Before the funeral industry, most people died at home and remained there for a home ceremony
to celebrate their life. This traditional practice of dealing with death is having a rebirth, as more
people want to control the funeral experience without the strict protocols of a professional
funeral home.
The Many Benefits of a Home Funeral
The home is more familiar, which can be comforting for the family and community.
Instead of feeling rushed through a professional service to make space for the next
scheduled ceremony, we can slow down the grieving process at home, allowing more
people time to speak and be present with their emotions.
Guests can decorate the box, casket, or cremation urn to honor the deceased. This is
especially meaningful for children, as it gives them a way to participate and say goodbye
to their loved one.
A home funeral allows us to more easily include audio recordings, videos, photo boards,
or displays of artwork created by the deceased.
With standard funeral costs averaging $7,000-$8,000 in the United States (according to
the National Funeral Directors Association), a home funeral can save the family a
considerable amount of money.
While regulations vary from one location to another, and burial or cremation costs must
still be paid, the only costs of a home funeral include dry ice (if necessary to preserve the
body), gasoline for transporting the body, the casket (or cardboard box for a green burial),
and food for a reception.
Many people prefer to take over the task of preparing the body themselves rather than
outsourcing it to a professional. It becomes their last expression of love for the deceased
and a spiritual way to say goodbye.
The Resurgence of Three-Day Home Wakes/Funerals
A three-day funeral at home is deeply rooted in many cultures and religions across the globe. In
ancient Jewish practices, the burial chamber was left unsealed for three days, and today, Jewish
tradition involves sitting shiva for a few hours up to seven days.
The Greek Orthodox religion includes “Panikhida,” a three-day wake where loved ones recite the
Book of Psalms. Thai Buddhists spend three days or even more, followed by cremation of the
body on the final night.
Why three days? Some believe it takes that number of days for the soul or spirit of the deceased
to fully let go of their body. But we don’t have to believe in this to reap the benefits of a longer
funeral or wake.
In the documentary film by Heidi Boucher and Ruby Sketchley called In the Parlor: The Final
Goodbye, they told the story of Jared, a beloved 17-year-old who was killed in a motorcycle
accident. Everyone who attended his three-day ceremony experienced a transformation of their
grief.
Below are some of the advantages of opting for a similar three-day funeral at home:
Collective grieving in community with others provides a structured outlet for our feelings
regardless of the setting, but shorter funerals are rarely long enough to help us move
through the intensity of our emotions. At the beginning of Jared’s wake, for example,
everyone was inconsolable, and they might have stayed stuck in that pain if the service
had not lasted three days.
A three-day funeral gives everyone the space to breathe so that they can truly be ready to
share what they feel.
Jared’s family and friends spent three days eating good food, singing songs, and telling
stories about him. By the third day, their despair had transformed into fond, comforting
memories that became a celebration of his life, who he was, and their shared love for
him. His mother called it “euphoric.”
While three days is certainly not long enough to fully resolve the grieving process, it can
still help people accelerate their movement through the five stages of grief: denial, anger,
bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
The Logistics of a Home Funeral/Wake
It may sound complicated to have a three-day funeral, and it might not be feasible for people
who have to travel and spend two to three nights in a hotel. But even three days at home can be
less expensive than a standard funeral.
Whether you decide on three days or a few hours, below are some tips for planning a home
ceremony:
Find out the legal requirements in your area for the burial or cremation, as well as for
transporting the body to the home.
If your loved one is in a hospital, see if the facility will release the body directly to your
address.
Plan ahead, if possible, to be prepared with a source of dry ice or Techni-Ice for
preserving the body at home without embalming. This can allow for a viewing if you
choose.
Consider purchasing a simple pine casket to save funds and allow loved ones and
children to decorate it in ways that celebrate the deceased.
Whatever length of home funeral you plan, taking control can allow you to better support
everyone present in a compassionate, empathetic, and inclusive way that provides an enormous
amount of healing.
