Recently, my wife and I found ourselves at an outdoor concert—a vibrant scene that quickly became a test of endurance under the sweltering evening heat. It was standing-room-only, a sea of concertgoers swaying to the rhythm. Amid the mass of bodies, a small oasis appeared: a public bench, partially filled, yet not entirely full. Tired and scanning for relief, I noticed what looked like just enough space to squeeze in—if someone was willing to make room.
As a psychologist, I couldn’t help but notice what happened next. When I made eye contact with those already seated—subtly signaling a silent plea—there emerged two distinct behavioral responses.
There were the “squeezers”: individuals who shifted, compressed their posture, tucked in their bags, and physically made space for a stranger. And then there were the “spreaders”: those who, perhaps unconsciously, widened their posture, expanded their personal bubble, and allowed their backpacks to sprawl like territorial flags.
It felt like a live-action episode of Seinfeld, but it also hinted at something deeper: Could this minor, everyday behavior—choosing to squeeze or spread—reveal something meaningful about a person’s psychology? Could it be a window into the elusive core of personality? Perhaps not the “holy grail” of psychological prediction, but certainly a revealing snapshot.
And indeed, my little social experiment at the concert bench aligns with decades of psychological research on prosocial behavior—actions intended to benefit others, even at a cost to oneself.
Empathy: The Heart of Prosocial Action
Empathy is one of the most consistent predictors of helping behavior. When we recognize and feel another’s discomfort, we’re more likely to act. The “squeezers,” in this case, may have been motivated by a subtle empathic attunement—an ability to place themselves in the shoes of someone longing to sit down.
- Batson et al. (1981) famously distinguished between empathic concern and personal distress, showing that people high in empathic concern were more likely to help, even when they had an easy escape route.
Social Norms and Reciprocity
Humans are socialized to follow unspoken rules of politeness, cooperation, and reciprocity. The norm of reciprocity suggests we help others because we expect (or have received) help in return. While this particular concert offered no chance of future favors, cultural conditioning toward politeness in public settings likely influenced the “squeezers.”
- Gouldner (1960) introduced the reciprocity norm as a universal social rule. Later, Regan (1971) found that even receiving a small favor (like a soda) significantly increased the likelihood of reciprocating.
Cost-Benefit Analysis
In ambiguous social situations, we often perform an unconscious cost-benefit analysis: What will it cost me to help? What do I gain? For the squeezer, the discomfort of sliding over was likely outweighed by the small moral reward of being helpful, or at least avoiding the guilt of being visibly unhelpful.
- Piliavin et al. (1969) demonstrated in a subway experiment that helping behavior depended on perceived cost, clarity of need, and whether the victim was seen as “deserving.” In short, the easier and safer it was to help, the more likely people were to do so.
Diffusion of Responsibility
In crowds, we often feel less personal responsibility to act—a phenomenon known as the bystander effect. The logic goes: someone else will do it. But the fact that people did squeeze in, despite the crowded setting, shows that social cues—like direct eye contact or the visibility of a need—can override the pull of passivity.
- In their classic studies, Latane and Darley (1968) found that individuals were far less likely to help when others were present, unless they were directly addressed or felt uniquely responsible.
Personality Traits: The Psychology of the Squeezer
Could there be something in one’s personality that predicts squeezing over spreading? While no one (yet) has conducted a controlled study on concert bench etiquette, broader research tells us that traits such as agreeableness and conscientiousness are strong predictors of prosocial behavior.
- Graziano & Eisenberg (1997) found that agreeable individuals—those who value harmony, compassion, and cooperation—are significantly more likely to engage in helping behaviors.
- Penner et al. (1995) developed the Prosocial Personality Battery, showing that those high in empathic concern and social responsibility consistently behave in altruistic ways across different situations.
Personality Essential Reads
The Everyday Morality of Public Space
While no grand moral judgments should be passed on the concert bench behaviors, these small moments matter. They are microcosms of how we navigate community, space, and responsibility. Being a “squeezer” doesn’t require grand gestures—just a subtle awareness of others and a willingness to sacrifice an inch of comfort for shared humanity.
So next time you’re on a crowded subway, in a tight elevator, or at a sold-out concert, ask yourself: Am I a spreader or a squeezer?
The answer might say more about you than you think. By the way, my wife found a squeezer, so she sat, and I only found a spreader, so I stood. I did not think it was right to ask my wife to squeeze. What does that say about me?
