Do you talk to yourself about your body as if it were a thing separate from the rest of you? If so, this is the type of self-talk typical of narcissists. They tend to ignore, negate, and yet seemingly thrive in the world, but suffer from the disconnection between mind and body.
If we trace our beginnings, we find that the instinct of connection to the body begins at birth. There, we see natural and freely expressed enthusiasm, curiosity, and desire. This early environment conveys numerous messages to us that we carry throughout life about how to act toward ourselves and others. This is where we learn to take in information, and it is where the narcissistic adaptation begins regarding whether to reveal our truths or cover up our bodies and personalities.
As we grow, many scenarios and patterns step in to disrupt or foster the psychological and emotional relationship between body and psyche. We learn body appreciation to gain intimacy, love, and to convey a myriad of emotional reactions. Relational difficulties and successes arise from physical issues, overt and subtle, social and private, to which we are exposed and assume. All reflect the learned sense of body, self-regard, encouragement, and authentic expressiveness.
Body narcissism concerns one’s attitude to the body and intense need for appreciation, but the inability to be open to intimacy. To a narcissist, the body reveals a person needing positive and adoring reactions. This is to compensate for the conflict regarding their body, although they often receive projections of standing out and appearing unusual. Although it appears otherwise, the narcissist is not confident about their physical self and experiences distorted body images. This component of narcissism is evident in how we perceive ourselves in the mirror. A question remains if a narcissist is ever able to securely connect or find comfort in their body.
The dissociation between mind and body, persona and the internal world becomes the mechanism whereby ideas, fantasies, and emotions operate unconsciously and independently. Carl Jung, a Swiss psychiatrist of the twentieth century, called these clusters sub-personalities or complexes. His view of personality emphasized establishing relations among the various parts of the psyche and the body, the conscious and the unconscious, and understanding how these parts can harmoniously coalesce.
The body is also where psychological transformation occurs and reflects our self-perceptions. It is where we live, experience, and heal from past and present trauma, loss of love, and how we express or suppress emotions. Without the body, there can be no real life experience. And yet the narcissist turns away from their body by instituting various distractions. One of these is being wrapped in singularity, living in virtual reality, and relationally shielded from the effects of others upon themselves.
Narcissists seek superficial and physical attention, not for closeness or real intimacy, but to create a barrier from others. The physical appearance becomes a defense against vulnerability felt to exist just under the surface. Therefore, the narcissist needs the body to be a facade. The narcissist places emphasis on having a distinctive persona, striking appearance, and avoiding the negative judgments anticipated from others. Shame arises when a narcissist fails to live up to their ideal standards. This is partially why they are preoccupied with their surface self. The body shame, sadness, and need for continual approval mask the pervasive self-contempt. Narcissists become hurt and angry if the outer world does not match their image of perfectionism. They aim for idealization. Relationships in which one is seen and sees others are difficult, and narcissists find it uncomfortable to be real with others. The nagging doubts and self-conscious judgments in both superior and inferior self-judgments obstruct intimacy and connections.
Although there is much internal and social pressure to present the perfect body image, for the narcissist, it is never sufficient. The underlying shame and self-contempt must not be revealed. This is supported by rigid defenses and a tightly held body persona. The physical appearance, preoccupation with looks, and desire to be the center of attention are attempts to deflect from the deficits felt within. The narcissist’s bodily experience involves a sense of disconnectedness and fragmentariness, getting in the way with others, building a wall, fostering distraction, but not togetherness.
Such people operate like zombies or the living dead, without comfort in their own skin, unable to feel deeply. This is accentuated by either extreme: a lack of vitality or hyperactivity. Their lives are bound by an invisible wall between them and others, reflecting that the outer and inner selves are disjointed. Therefore, the world in which they live becomes increasingly empty and meaningless. They treat themselves not as a living body with a mind, but rather woodenly, devoid of emotion, functioning as an inanimate object. Inwardly, they are distant, and their persona and body image are self-critically attacked. The body then becomes a space of misery and dissatisfaction. Because they do not know how to self-soothe, much energy is put into compensatorily seeking attention from others.
However, the self and its image, embedded in the body, contain experiences that extend from the past to the present, connecting us to ourselves and our history. Our personal and collective story is sequestered in bodily memory of losses, victories, and events, often unable to be recalled except through language and narration. The body connection discloses openings to these silent, but powerful memories. The body includes repressed situations, depression and anxiety, longing and suffering, the search for meaning, joy and ecstasy, and the connectedness or not to love and be loved.
Narcissism Essential Reads
Jungian analytical treatment helps the narcissist access the embodied self to become more thoroughly physically and psychologically present and accepted. The process, enacted and experienced through Jungian depth psychological work, helps transform the learned experiences of the narcissists, formerly influencing bodily negation, into healthy self-appreciation.
