In dealing with the recent passing of her grandmother, Aleh’s reaction remained distanced, somehow removed. Yet when she dreamed of the death of an online acquaintance, and especially upon analyzing her dream, she was able to break through the disconnection and bring her feelings to the surface.
The Dream
I met a woman last year, Autumn, who I communicate back and forth with online. Her brother Tobias passed away recently from health complications.
In this dream, I was excited to see her, since it had been so long and I felt the need to give her a big hug. I didn’t get a chance to attend the funeral, so in my dreams, I told her I was so very sorry and that we will also miss him. It was a mixed feeling of happiness to see her, while also helping her grieve.
The Conversation
I wondered, “When did you have this dream?”
Aleh responded, “Just last night.”
“Did you know Autumn’s brother? It sounds like you did.”
“No,” Aleh said, “I didn’t get the chance to meet him.”
I added, “I’m curious about how you said you’ve known Autumn for a year but you ‘communicate back and forth online.’ You don’t see her in person?”
Aleh explained, “No, not anymore. We wanted to hang out, but with our busy schedules it’s been hard to plan anything. I’ve known Autumn for a year.”
I suggested, “You mentioned that you had ‘mixed feelings’ in your dream. Can you think of a recent circumstance in your life you have ‘mixed’ feelings about, perhaps even a mix of happiness and grief?”
Aleh exclaimed, “My grandma passed away this past Sunday! I didn’t see her much the last few months because I knew it was coming. I’ve been a lot closer and communicating more with my parents. My dad’s mom was the one who passed.
“I tend to remember more dreams after grief, it seems.”
I said, “Perhaps Tobias’ appearance in your dream reflects your not seeing your grandmother in the months before she passed on. Why do you say you didn’t see her much ‘because you knew it was coming’? Were you close with your dad’s mom?”
Aleh acknowledged, “I wasn’t as close with her as I was with my grandpa growing up. I had a feeling it was almost time for her to pass away and wanted to keep her memory as someone very smiley and talkative. It didn’t occur to me that Tobias appearing in the dream reflects me not seeing my grandmother. That really fits!”
I continued, “Let’s investigate the two people who appear in your dream. Tell me, please, what comes to mind about Autumn’s personality. What about Tobias? What do you know about him? Did you ever have a conversation with Tobias? Was he a friend too?”
Aleh offered, “Autumn is very happy. She has a great sense of humor and is always cracking jokes. I did have a conversation with Tobias online. He enjoyed conversations with many people online, giving motivational advice. He was also nice and very positive.”
I reflected on Aleh’s words. “Both your dream and your waking-life situation bring to mind matters involving death and funerals. Yet I’m struck by the light, happy tone of the words you’re using: ‘very smiley and talkative,’ ‘very happy,’ ‘motivational and positive.’ You mentioned feeling a mix of happiness and grief, but I’m not hearing much grief.
“Does this observation ring true for you?”
Aleh responded, “I honestly didn’t think about whether I’ve been feeling grief until you mentioned about my answers just now being pretty ‘light.’ I have to reflect on this. Now, I can also see that the characters in my dream aren’t people I connect with on an everyday basis. They’re nice, but I don’t feel very connected to them.”
I asked, “Does this lack of connection in your dream mirror any of your feelings in your waking-life situation?”
Aleh answered aloud and thoughtfully, “Am I really not grieving, or do I really not feel sad from my grandmother’s passing? Am I so disconnected? No, I do feel sad, but what hurts me more is trying to be there for my parents. Especially my dad, who just lost his mom.”
Making a clearer connection, she added, “Am I trying to comfort my own self in this dream? Omg I am, and I want to cry now. Finally.”
What We Can Learn
The dream is Aleh’s vehicle to comfort herself. In addition, by putting herself in a place where she’s reaching out to someone who is grieving but who she feels less “connected” to than her own dad, she’s giving herself some space to feel her own grief.
Additionally, we can see from this dream interpretation how important it is to pay attention to the words that the dreamer says when talking about all aspects of the analysis, not only while discussing the dream itself but also all associations with the dream. The precise words the dreamer uses during different parts of the discussion can often bring to the surface the emotional aspects of their waking-life situation that they are pushing below the surface.
