Chores. It’s one of the most common arguments among couples. Who does what, who does more, whose turn it is — the list goes on. It seems simple and basic, but it can cause huge issues in relationships. Let’s talk about an easy solution to prevent tension and arguments in the home. The first tool I like to suggest is a chore chart.
To work best, any system needs to be structured. Creating a structure can take time and work, but the payoff is organization and efficiency. Most couples don’t talk about chores before they get into a relationship, so chores can often end up as a source of tension if one person gets frustrated because they are doing the majority of the load. However, when couples implement a structure for chores, this source of disagreement, resentment, and frustration gets resolved.
Before creating a chore chart, partners need to talk about their reasoning for wanting a chore chart. It’s important to have this conversation when both partners are calm and emotions aren’t high. In other words, don’t talk about chore charts while standing over a pile of dirty laundry on the floor. Partners need to avoid blame and defensiveness and focus on resolving the issue by implementing a chore system. A sample request might be: I want a chore chart because I’m hoping we can establish more equal responsibilities. Or: I want a chore chart so we don’t forget who agreed to do which chores each week.
Then, once partners are clear on what chores or issues need to be addressed, create a chore chart. A chart is helpful because it ensures that household tasks are distributed evenly and everyone is aware of their responsibilities. When chores are de- fined and clearly displayed, neither partner can claim “I didn’t know which chore I was supposed to do,” or “I didn’t realize that was my responsibility.”
Here are six steps for creating a chore chart, followed by a sample chore chart that you can use as a template for creating your own. Or, you can download a blank chore chart from my website, KelliMillerTherapy.com.
- Make a list of all the household tasks that need to be done. This can include things like doing the laundry, cleaning the bathroom, walking the dog, washing dishes, vacuuming, paying bills, grocery shopping, and more.
- Assign tasks to each partner. Consider each partner’s strengths, preferences, and schedules when delegating tasks. For example, if one partner has to be at work early, they may not be able to walk the dog in the morning. Or if a partner has a degree in finance, they may want to take over the bills.
- Rotate other tasks. Switch up chores both partners can do or struggle with (such as cleaning the toilets) so the system feels equal. Choose a rotation schedule. For example, every week or month, partners can switch tasks.
- Determine a schedule. Decide which day each task needs to be done and how often. For example, washing the dishes and walking the dog may need to be done every day, while vacuuming may only need to be done once a week.
- Display the chore chart in a visible place. This way there is no question about who is doing what task and on what day.
6. Schedule regular check-ins to make sure that the chart is working effectively. Be open to making adjustments, and be flexible if you need to change tasks.
A chore chart is a great tool to help divide household tasks. It’s important for partners to communicate openly about what works for each of them but at the same time to be flexible in rotating tasks.
