Throughout my years as a clinician, I’ve worked with many individuals whose anger was fueled by their sense of entitlement. They shared a personality trait characterized by believing that they were special and deserved things even without effort, and that others should be more responsive to their needs, even when it was draining for them.
Those who feel entitled believe they are owed something because they feel special. With and without full awareness, maintaining this belief predisposes them to feel great frustration and anger regarding a perceived injustice. They believe that their specialness should protect them from suffering and hold the belief that they are more deserving than others.
A sense of entitlement may derive from early childhood experiences in which a child is overly indulged and rarely, if ever, has to face disappointment or frustration. It might be supported by parenting that fosters a false sense of inflated ego. It may also evolve from belonging to a certain group, i.e., beliefs in white privilege, masculine superiority over women, being of a certain ethnicity, following their religion, or living in a particular country. Such entitlement may be further reinforced by the members of the group.
Entitlement contributes to anger
Anger is supported by rigidly maintaining unrealistic expectations. Entitlement fuels such expectations, which in turn predispose one to anger when these are not met. Those who feel entitled filter experiences of their world through a lens that is hypervigilant for behaviors that either meet or challenge these expectations. They are quick to feel slighted, to experience injustice, and to perceive their goals as being thwarted.
Entitlement creates an inclination for unrealistic expectations regarding services, relationships, work advancement, or immediate gratification. It is a mindset that creates a tendency to personalize these experiences in a way that feels disrespectful.
Consequently, even appropriate treatment may be viewed negatively. Believing that their “specialness” should protect them from suffering and ensure happiness and success leaves them vulnerable to suffering when their expectations are not satisfied.
Individuals with entitlement issues express anger at their “bad luck” even when no identifiable agent was responsible for their misfortune (Zitek & Alexander, 2021). Not only do they express anger about the event, but they also report anger regarding the belief that such things should not happen to them.
Tim Fletcher, the founder of Recovery Education for Addictions and Complex Trauma, identifies five types of entitlement that include:
- Excessive entitlement: Entitlement that is accompanied by demanding and controlling behavior and a lack of empathy, often with a sense of being above the law. Individuals with this type of entitlement are more likely to have clinical diagnoses, including narcissism and personality disorders.
- Restrictive entitlement: A more passive and hidden entitlement. This is reflected by the person who does not express their opinion or needs until they are triggered because they can no longer contain their anger.
- Dependent entitlement: Entitlement that involves depending on the kindness of others, an assumption that does not consider the needs of the other.
- Barter system entitlement: Every act of giving or doing is accompanied by expectations of something in return. It is transactional with the intention to always come out on top.
- Impulsivity entitlement: Entitlement grounded in feeling justified in one’s desires and feelings regardless of their consequences. Such reactivity is justified by experiencing low frustration (Fletcher, 2024).
As reported in a comprehensive study of entitlement, it can lead to an “habitual, self-reinforcing cycle of behavior with dire psychological and social costs” (Grubbs & Exline, 2016). Longing for the satisfaction of unrealistic expectations creates inflexibility of thoughts and a lasting search for fulfillment dependent on others.
The pervasiveness of entitlement
Feelings of entitlement can impact every area of life. Anger derived from expectations of entitlement may be overt or passive-aggressive. The passive-aggressive style is reflected in one study that found employees who scored high for entitlement were more likely to hide important information (Grubbs & Exline, 2016).
A study of academic entitlement was associated with decreased engagement in class, poor social adjustment to school, poor academic emotion regulation strategies, a lack of appropriate classroom behaviors, academic dishonesty, and incivility (Knepp & Knepp, 2022).
Additionally, those with entitlement issues are more likely not to follow instructions, based on a tendency to view them as being unfair (Zitek & Jordan, 2018).
Feelings of entitlement may also lead to financial problems related to excessive spending beyond one’s means. Entitlement may drive purchases that are made to support one’s sense of self, regardless of the problems such spending may create.
Addressing entitlement
The following strategies can be helpful in addressing the impact of one’s entitlement.
- Reflect on and examine your expectations to better distinguish between realistic and unrealistic expectations. Recognize some as hopes and wishes rather than expectations.
- Consider what your views would be of a person who voiced the expectations you maintain.
- Recognize that feelings of entitlement often reflect a longing for certain treatment in order to support a fragile ego or underlying insecurity.
- Think about the extent to which underlying pain or suffering might be fueling entitlement as a way to make up for or distract from feeling past hurts. Recognize that anger is both a reaction to and a distraction from such suffering.
- Remember that blaming others and holding on to anger leads us to feel victimized. In turn, it leads us to feel less agency and greater dependency on others to feed our worth.
- Entitlement reinforces entitlement, strengthening a self-destructive mindset.
- Professional counseling can be effective in dealing with issues of entitlement.
Unhealthy entitlement fosters a tendency for anger arousal. It is related to unrealistic expectations of the world, others, or oneself. As such, feelings of entitlement support a tendency to see injustice or poor treatment in everyday interactions. Entitlement can show itself in many ways and in different situations. And when it does, it undermines one’s capacity for a more rewarding and fulfilling life. As such, it’s important to choose strategies to reduce its impact.
