Are you yearning for some more yearning for you? That is, do you want someone to long or pine for you—because that’s what romantic yearning is? Well, you could say that yearning has been earning more attention of late. So let’s be learning more about what this yearning really means.
‘Yearning’ Has Become More Prominent in Pop Culture
Google searches for “yearning” have been long rising since late 2024. And a post on X that said, “What makes a man attractive is not his stupid face but his stupendous yearning and agonizing longing for one woman and one woman alone,” has gotten 3.5 million views and 39,000 likes so far. Tinder declared 2026 the “Year of Yearning” and partnered with Netflix on a related Bridgerton TV series campaign. And consider what Anthony told Kate in the series as a bridge to why. He said, “Do you think that there is a corner of this earth that you could travel to far away enough to free me from this torment?” and then, “My father raised me to act with honor, but that honor is hanging by a thread that grows more precarious with every moment I spend in your presence. You are the bane of my existence. And the object of all my desires. Night and day, I dream of you.”
Interest in ‘Yearning’ May Be a Backlash Against Some Dating App Issues
This interest in yearning could represent a yearning for something different from what dating has seemingly become. Some have argued that the rise in dating apps has made dating more transactional, as I’ve covered previously in “A Funny Bone to Pick.” In this case, transactional means more like a sales transaction, like searching online for that hydrocolloid acne patch that you’ve always wanted. In both cases, you look for something that might satisfy your immediate needs and readily toss it away when it doesn’t to look for something else.
Of course, this doesn’t necessarily apply to all dating app situations and hydrocolloid acne patches. I have covered the potential positives of dating apps, too. Other societal trends may be contributing to transactional dating as well. Nevertheless, at first glance, yearning does seem to be the opposite of treating potential dates like no more than commodities.
Interest in ‘Yearning’ May Be Part of a Desire for More Authenticity
Yearning could also be an authentic backlash against a lot of the inauthenticity that seems to exist these days. The dating world has its fill of chatfishing, kittenfishing, self-promoting, and other things that reek of inauthenticity. Throw in all the other inauthenticity around us like the whole fake-it-until-you-make-it career-speak, politicking, advertising, social media curating, and self-promoting and people can be left reeling for things that are more real.
All of this has given rise to the “chalance” dating trend that I recently described for “A Funny Bone To Pick” and during my appearance on ABC News. Chalance is a made-up word that’s supposed to be the opposite of nonchalance. It’s where people clearly display their romantic interest in you and are open about their feelings. Yearning then takes chalance several feet or perhaps miles longer—from an interest to a crush, maybe even a soul-crushing crush.
Yearning Can Be Part of a ‘Slow Burn’ Romance
Then there’s the potential yearning for more slow-burn romances rather than getting hot and heavy quickly. When someone yearns for you, he or she in theory is willing to take it slow and won’t just ghost you one day. If you finally recognize the yearning and yield, that person—again, in theory—won’t just turn around and say, “Yeah, why don’t we just have a situationship or maybelatership?”
Not All Yearning Is Real
Keep in mind, though, that not all yearning is real. All that longing could simply be part of a long game, so to speak, to get something from you—whether it’s sex, social status, money, control, or something other than genuine love. Yearning could even be part of lovebombing.
Then there’s the whole thrill-of-the-chase thing. One of my schoolmates, for example, used to yearn…a lot…for people one-by-one after just meeting them. Each time, you’d hear pining about how wonderful she was, until he’d actually get her. And then, voilà, he’d lose interest just like that—only to yearn to be single again, where he’d then—you guessed it—find someone else to yearn for again. So just because someone is yearning for you at the time, doesn’t necessarily mean that you will always be that person’s one and only.
Yearning Can Raise Unrealistic Expectations
Another concern is that when someone yearns for you, but doesn’t really know you yet, you’ve gotta wonder what he or she is yearning for all along. Is it actually you or some idealized image of you? Are that person’s expectations of you then unrealistic, ultimately leading to disappointment? And how long do you really expect the longing to continue? When someone in a long-married couple tells the other, “Do you think that there is a corner of this earth that you could travel to far away enough to free me from this torment,” the word “torment” can have a very different meaning from what Anthony meant.
Yearning Can Represent Desperation or Obsessiveness
Of course, too much longing can mean that the person is short on other dating options or even sensibility. For example, Anakin Skywalker spent much of two Star Wars movies yearning for Padmé’ Naberrie. But most people probably wouldn’t consider Anakin to be the picture of perfect mental health. He was quite, shall we say, obsessive in a Darth, Darth way.
So, if you are yearning for someone to yearn for you, learn why. Do you simply want an ego boost? Are you trying to reduce uncertainty and only date someone you know for sure—or seemingly for sure—is into you rather than risk rejection? It may be natural to want more authenticity and someone who ultimately develops real feelings for you. But real, deeper, and more sustainable feelings can take time and more experience with each other to emerge. Beware of a little too much longing when the two of you are still short on info about one another.
