High-achiever. Go-getter. Leader. Decisive. Reliable. Strong.
If others were asked to characterize you, these would be a few choice descriptors.
You may never have thought about it, though, admittedly, this tracks. You set ambitious goals and surpass them, with inherent motivation flowing organically. You are the go-to for advice, solutions, and support.
And, from the outside, you make it look effortless.
You know, of course, it is not easy. It regularly requires a hefty dose of effort, efficiency, and grit. Despite the occasional struggle or uncertainty, however, you rise to the occasion, operating under the unspoken assumption that everything is “figureoutable.“
That is, until recently…
2 a.m. awakenings — accompanied by convincing worries, an infinite to-do list, and a pervasive sense of doom — are the norm rather than the exception. Though you are exhausted, sleep is elusive. You toss and turn as the hours pass, frustration mounts, and (ready or not) eventually dawn arrives.
The alarm clock sounds, offering up a muddled mix of dread for the sleep-deprived day ahead and relief for the temporary insomnia respite.
Sipping your coffee and contemplating the day’s schedule, you fantasize wistfully about diving back under the covers while simultaneously searching for a modicum of energy. It’s not so long ago, after all, that the dawning of a nonstop day produced a deliciously energizing, addictive buzz. Now, however, the mere thought of it induces a heaviness in your chest and dense fog encircling your mind.
All day long, exhaustion and overwhelm loom large, threatening to take you down at the slightest provocation. To ward them off, you guzzle more coffee and double down on the exercise, the (lately, negative) self-talk, the grind.
To no avail. What used to work is no longer effective. In fact, it’s counterproductive: caffeine-induced heart palpitations, teeth-gritting TMJ, impenetrable brain fog, and intractable irritability. True to form, you still get it all done. But. It’s now coming at a cost — to your confidence, your energy, your overall well-being.
You wonder what in the world is wrong with you. The lack of motivation, clear thought, and, frankly, f’s to give are all unrecognizable and unnerving.
This is not me.
Some might call it burnout.
I call it perimenopause duck syndrome.
To others, on the surface, you appear calm and effortless, like you have it all together. Under the surface, however, you are paddling for your life, barely keeping your head above water, terrified of drowning.
Not only that.
Seeking a comparison, you glance around at all the other ducks — your colleagues, like you, squeezed in the panini generation between kids, aging parents, and a demanding career — who appear to be serenely floating, and you question, silently, How are they managing? Why am I the only one struggling? What is wrong with me?
You blame yourself: I need to try harder, wake up earlier, figure this out.
You doubt yourself: Maybe I’m not cut out for this anymore. I’m losing my edge. Is it time for a career change?
Until.
Bravely (desperately), you decide to stick your toe (webbed foot) into the water and tentatively share your struggles with a friend. Her eyes widen, revealing, no way! Me, too!
And though you don’t wish it upon anyone, there is immense power in recognizing and naming it. You start talking to peers and realize, with surprise and great relief, that you are definitely not the only duck in the pond suffering from a mortal fear of drowning.
Not feeling like myself (NFLM) is a common symptom in perimenopause. One study found that 63 percent of research participants reported feeling not like themselves 50 percent of the time (or more) over the course of the previous three months.1 (I’ve written about my experience with NFLM here.)
Menopause Essential Reads
Because perimenopause symptoms impact approximately 80 percent (likely an underestimate due to unrecognized symptoms and underreporting) of women in their late 30s to early 50s, it’s no wonder productivity decreases, absenteeism and presenteeism rise, and some women even prematurely leave hard-earned careers behind (taking their earning power and human capital with them).2
The upside is that once perimenopause duck syndrome is identified, you can equip yourself with evidence-based symptom, lifestyle, and treatment information and advocate for the care you deserve (and share what you’ve learned with others).
Perimenopause duck syndrome —and all of its unrecognized ramifications — is just one reason why I’m so passionate about helping leaders and high-achievers feel like themselves again so they can stop paddling for their lives and get back to running the world.
