She could smell smoke and asked if anything was burning in the room. On ketamine, her senses were sharper than mine, so I looked around to check. No, I assured her. Explore that and see where it takes you, I suggested.
She was in her 30s and working through severe childhood trauma, and she had the intention to connect to and heal some of the ancestral traumas in the long lineage of women who had suffered in her family. She wanted to be a different kind of mother to her daughters, and she knew she needed to heal from the damage of the violence done to her as a child to meet this goal.
Sometime in the second half of the session, she was transported to a forest and saw a fire with a shadow of a woman she couldn’t identify.
“I smell animal fur. It feels indigenous. My grandmother. I see her. She’s rich with life. I can sense her, but not see her. I can sense her life. She’s still here if I want her. She’s heavy… I can still smell animals, horses, and mammoths. It’s a dense fur.”
She was so deep into her experience being with her grandmother in some primal setting that she could smell the wild. Therapeutically, we used this experience as a platform to further connect with her grandmother, whom she eventually met:
“She has beautiful brown skin. Gorgeous red hair. She is calling me to sit with her. I can see other women who fought and struggled for survival in my family. They are so beautiful, so strong in their suffering. They are telling me I can get through this.”
Her hope was to heal what they carried as well as heal herself from the deep pains caused by the terrible abuses committed by her mother. All this to be a healthier, unconditionally loving, nurturing, and more present mother to her two young daughters. Throughout the session, her psyche and the cosmos provided clues, scenes, and scents to help her connect viscerally and across space-time to what was living deep within her—all for transforming generational pain into her own strength and wisdom. She left that session feeling more connected to herself, her ancestors, and the greater world around her, which lessened her sense of being alone in her suffering.
Please understand that this is the beginning, nowhere near the end, of her healing. Seeing her grandmother or any ancient grandmother archetype gave her the strength she needed to face the dragon of her deepest wound.
Not every psychedelic experience or psychotherapeutic session leaves us feeling connected to ourselves, our ancestors, or the greater universe. However, the majority of people who wisely use psychedelics and engage in psychedelic therapies often report an increased sense of interdependence and connection beyond themselves while a deeper understanding of and relationship with their own psyche is established. This is essential for people who feel disconnected from themselves and their life, which I see as a major cause of depression.
Exploring our psyche is essential for living authentically, from a place that is unique and original.
Exploring the Psyche
When we slip into these deeper levels of consciousness, we are exposed to our personality, our core beliefs and wounds, our strengths and hopes, the interdependent nature of reality, and, yes, the tightly woven fabric of the cosmos itself. Images, symbols, metaphors, signs, and visions play a role in our healing and transformation. This is so valuable because we may be so disconnected from ourselves while making ends meet and weathering the stresses of living in such a fast-paced world, where bills are constantly due and chores need to be done. But being disconnected from ourselves is a major source of depression and anxiety. Connecting to, learning about, and truly supporting ourselves feels good, alleviates stress, and increases our well-being. We learn what we really like and want and become the force that moves us toward what is good for us. Isn’t that what we are really looking for in the first place? So many come to me not knowing who they are and feeling misaligned with the life they are living. Often during sessions, while exploring their own psyche and the experience of raw and unfiltered life, clients naturally begin to discover who they are and realign with their deepest and authentic values. Doing work on these levels also exposes the origins of so many harmful behaviors we get stuck in, making it easier to create sustained healthy changes in the process.
Connection With the Cosmos
Consciousness and awareness of the cosmos change from day to day. Some people are more open to this relationship than others. When the bills are due, when we are dealing with sickness or medical issues, when the children are crying or needing attention, when we feel alone in a crowd or feel disconnected from ourselves or our place in the world, what use is it of being aware of the greater cosmos? Will this awareness of the universe mend our broken hearts, repair relationships, make our employers treat us better, reduce racism and hatred across the globe, and reverse global warming?
No.
Psychedelic therapy does not cure and is not a panacea for every ailment we have, and the medicines alone cannot correct humanity’s hardest problems. But we will.
It is my firm belief, from what I have seen in this work, that once we each have an inner shift in consciousness that changes our perspective on the importance of extending our care, concern, and actions toward the betterment of all humanity, animals, and the planet itself, the changes we hope for will take place. These medicines are powerful, though, and certainly do have significant effects on our well-being and our sense of belonging to the greater universe in which we live and are a part.
