Many studies show that most women don’t care much about the length or girth of men’s penises, either flaccid or erect. But men don’t believe it.
Sex educators talk themselves hoarse about this, but many men still crave huge ones, and many opt for enlargement pills (all frauds) or for costly surgery that might leave them deformed.
A recent study explored women’s preferences for dildos, penis-mimicking sex toys. The new research offers more evidence that most women don’t care much about penis size.
The Study
English researchers used data from Lovehoney, England’s largest sex toy marketer, to analyze sales of 265 different models of dildos that drew 17,590 customer reviews. The researchers compiled popularity ratings for each model.
The dildos varied widely. Some were made from hard plastic, others from materials that feel like skin. Some vibrated. Some looked realistic, and others were more abstract and arty.
The dildos also came in many sizes. Some were short, others long or very long. Some had a small girth. Others were thicker. And some boasted huge girth.
In pornography, women actors often play with huge dildos that are unrealistically long and girthy. But Lovehoney buyers did not gravitate toward them. “We found that toy length did not predict popularity…and that toys of large girth were less popular than products of normal circumference.” Some women bought extremely long dildos with major girth, but the researchers called these items “niche products” that appealed to only a small fraction of buyers.
The researchers also found that dildo buyers preferred abstract products that did not resemble real penises. Comments showed that buyers considered non-realistic dildos fun toys for sex play, especially with male partners. They were less keen on realistic penis proxies, concerned that the men in their lives might consider realistic dildos “competition.”
This study is significant because, worldwide, sex toys have become a $30 billion a year industry. Sex toys are also surprisingly unresearched. This study spotlights one way that sex toy preferences can help us understand human sexuality.
Corroborating Evidence
One of the largest and best studies of penis size was conducted by researchers at UCLA and Cal State Los Angeles. They posted a survey on MSNBC.com and heard from 26,437 women aged 18 to 65. Respondents were self-selected, which raises questions about validity. But as sample size increases, reliability concerns recede—and 26,437 is such a huge number that statistically, the results look valid.
Men also responded; 25,594 of them. Two-thirds rated their penises as “average,” exactly matching what the women said about their partners. But the women were only half as likely as the men to call their man’s member “small.” They were more likely to call it “large.”
• Men: It’s “small:” 12%
• Women: He’s “small:” 6%
• Men: It’s “large:” 22%
• Women: He’s “large:” 27%
Seven out of eight women (84 percent) said they felt “very satisfied” with their partner’s size. One in eight (14 percent) wished their partner’s penis were larger, and one in fifty (2 percent) wanted it smaller. Hence, my assertion that the substantial majority of women don’t care much about size.
Men’s Leading Sexual Insecurity
In 2015, data analyst Seth Stephens-Davidowitz tracked one month of Google searches dealing with sexual worries and discovered—no surprise—that men were by far most anxious about guess what? Why is mine so small? How can I make it larger?
Why do men feel so stressed? They’re convinced women want huge ones. But for every time women searched “penis size,” men searched it 170 times. And when women searched, 40 percent of their queries dealt with pain during intercourse because their partner was too large.
During four decades of answering more than 10,000 sex questions, I can’t recall a single woman ever complaining that her man was too small. When women have raised the issue, they’ve usually wanted to know how they might persuade their partners to stop obsessing about size.
Why Men Think They’re Too Small
Almost all men are much shorter than professional basketball players, but few become distraught. They know that NBA goliaths represent only a tiny fraction of men, that the vast majority are Davids like them.
But penis size is different. Other than their own, most heterosexual men catch only glimpses of other men’s genitals, and unless they’re doctors, never examine them closely. The only penises most heterosexual men view closely are those in pornography. Only 3 percent of men have penises longer than 6.8 inches. Men who audition for professionally produced porn usually come from this small minority. As a result, virtually every penis men see in commercial porn is significantly larger than theirs, so it would follow that they assume theirs is smaller than average.
In addition, men look down on their own, which makes them look smaller. In contrast, in porn, cameras often shoot up from under, which makes them look larger.
Fifty Shades of Penis Size
With sales topping 150 million copies, the BDSM romance, Fifty Shades of Grey, ranks among the bestselling novels of all time. Written by a woman, Fifty Shades is filled with kinky sex between dreamboat billionaire Christian Grey and the naïve young woman he can’t resist, Anastasia Steele.
Importantly, she rhapsodizes about Grey’s virility, but never pulls out a ruler. Instead, every time they embrace, she mentions feeling his penis pressing against her—and swelling. To Steele, Gray’s size is irrelevant. All that matters is her ability to arouse him.
