Each day is unique. Any day can bring good times, difficult times, challenges, or opportunities. We may not have much influence over external events or life’s inevitable challenges, but we do have influence over our own choices and responses.
If we are motivated toward a resilient, flourishing day-to-day life, we may want to reflect on our experiences in ways that provoke expanded awareness, understandings, and greater wholeness. This kind of explorative mindset can reap many benefits. For example, why do some people learn and gain greater wisdom from experience, while others do not?
In a 2018 study, psychologists Judith Gluck, Susan Bluck, and Nic Westrate propose five resources linked to developing wisdom and learning from life’s experiences:
- Having a sense of mastery. Trusting in your capacity to cope with and handle life’s circumstances. Having the ability to accept situations you can’t control and taking action on those you can.
- Openness to experience. Willingness to look at situations from a variety of viewpoints. Seeking out new ideas, experiences, and emotions—exploring goals and values that differ from your own.
- Reflectivity. Willingness to examine your experiences and think about complex issues in a deep, thoughtful way. Being willing to think critically about ideas, assumptions, and experiences to gain greater understanding and insight.
- Emotional Regulation. Having the capacity to tolerate emotions, manage emotions, and learn from your responses to varied situations.
- Empathy. Concern for others. The ability to understand and share the feelings of others, not just family and friends, but also people in the larger world.
Learning from experience builds resilience, the ability to adapt to life’s challenges. Research has shown that when learners have a growth mindset, they believe that their abilities can develop and expand; that with experience and hard work they can get better at things. With a growth mindset, people can be more resilient and can learn more effectively (Dweck, 2006; Stanford University, 2024).
The process of learning by doing, experiential learning, can strengthen your ability to grow, promoting self-assessment, social-emotional-cognitive development, enhanced understandings, problem-solving, skill building, and decision-making. One resilience-inspiring strategy involves reflecting on questions such as these: “What have I learned from this experience?” and “What can I learn?”
Strategies to help you learn from experience
There are many ways to learn from experience. These three strategies may be helpful:
1. Acknowledging and reflecting on your experience. Anyone can choose greater learning, rather than slipping into familiar habits. To strengthen your awareness, learning and insight, you might consider your inner journey, to mindfully notice your own experience and the experiences of others.
One useful tool is the PARDA 5-Step Awakening and Action Process (Berns-Zare, 2020; 2024):
- Pause and notice the flow of your breathing.
- Actively listen to your intuitive wisdom and inner voice.
- Reflect on your experience—with self-compassion. Notice your thoughts, feelings and bodily sensations.
- Discern as you sift through your awareness, realities, possibilities, and choices.
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Act with intention. What’s the next right thing?
Mindfully choose your next steps for reflection or action.
Pause. Actively listen. Reflect. Discern. Act mindfully to choose your next steps.
Some people may want to ponder their experiences with personal reflection, mindful moments or contemplation. Others may choose to write, jot notes, or create visuals. It can be convenient to collect these reflections in a journal—handwritten or electronic—perhaps creating a notes page on a phone, tablet, or computer.
2. Asking yourself thought-provoking open-ended questions may inspire reflection and openness to your experience. You may return to them as many times as needed to meaningfully reflect. Here are some questions you might consider:
- What can I learn from this experience?
- What went well?
- What might I do differently next time?
- Where does self-compassion fit for me?
- What do I know for sure?
- Which of my strengths can I leverage here?
- What can I learn about myself, about others, and about the situation?
- How can I grow from this experience?
3. Learning and growing with others. As you reflect on your experiences and seek greater mastery in addressing them, you may find it helpful to learn in friendship or partnership with others. You can explore and discuss, as you actively listen and also share with them, whether or not you agree with their viewpoints.
Moving toward a mindset of learning from your experiences offers opportunities to grow wiser and more resilient.
© 2025 Ilene Berns-Zare, LLC. All rights reserved.
Disclaimer: This post is for informational purposes only. No content is a substitute for consulting with a qualified mental health or health care professional.
