I was thinking of starting this post by asking you to cue the 1980s Laura Branigan hit “Self Control”—except this version of self-control won’t have you losing your mind in the middle of the night.
Self-control is not about white-knuckling your way through life. It’s about small, intentional choices that make it easier to stay aligned with your values, especially when things get messy.
We all slip. Whether it’s stress-eating chips at 10 p.m., firing off that email you wish you hadn’t, or skipping the workout for the third day in a row—these moments don’t define you. But how you bounce back can.
And here’s the science-backed truth: Self-control isn’t something you either have or don’t. It’s more like a muscle—one you can strengthen over time.
Research has shown that higher self-control is linked to better relationships, greater job success, and increased life satisfaction. But that doesn’t mean rigid routines and monk-like discipline. The best strategies are often the most doable ones.
Surprisingly Simple Ways to Build Your Self-Control Muscle
1. Anchor Yourself With “Always Rules”
When you create a non-negotiable routine for tricky moments, it saves willpower.
Example: Emily, a busy mom, realized her nighttime doom-scrolling habit was wrecking her sleep. Her new “always rule”? Phone on the charger across the room by 9 p.m. Like brushing your teeth—just part of the routine.
2. Don’t Fight Temptation—Avoid It
Out of sight is out of mind.
Example: Sarah kept grabbing candy from her desk while working from home. So she moved it to the top shelf of her pantry. Result? Cravings cut in half—without a single battle of will.
3. Try Movement Over Moodiness
When your emotions spike, so does impulsivity. Moving your body helps regulate your mind.
Example: Jake, age 10, was about to explode after losing in a video game. His dad invited him on a quick walk. That reset helped him come back calmer and in control.
4. Break Big Goals Into Tiny Wins
The bigger the task, the shakier our willpower.
Example: Brian wanted to write a book, but procrastinated for months. Instead of aiming for a chapter, he started writing for 10 minutes daily. Tiny goals, significant progress.
5. Practice Micro-Mindfulness
Even 60 seconds of mindfulness can help you stop, breathe, and choose better. Even brief mindfulness practices significantly reduce impulsive behaviors.
Example: Ana now pauses to take a deep breath before replying to stressful emails. That short pause? Game-changer.
Self-Control Is a Skill, Not a Judgment
You don’t need to be perfect—you need to be intentional. And when you slip up (because you will), it’s not failure. It’s feedback. Learn from it. Adjust. Try again. That’s absolute control.
Want to Help Your Child Build Self-Control Too?
Many of these strategies work for kids and teens, especially when modeled with patience. In my book The Anxiety, Depression & Anger Toolbox for Teens, I walk young people through key skills like emotional regulation and problem-solving, which are the foundations of lifelong self-control.
Let’s end with a few more self-control (non-willpower) strategies below. Remember, self-control is not about being perfect. I have said it before–the only perfect people are in the cemetery. Rather, self-control is a set of practices that work best for you. So check these additional ones out below:
Bonus Tips: Boosting Self-Control Today
- Use “If-Then” Planning: If I feel tempted to snack, then I’ll drink a glass of water first.
- Keep Temptations Inconvenient: Put treats in hard-to-reach spots or create a “pause before purchase” rule.
- Sleep and Self-Control Go Hand in Hand: Exhaustion weakens willpower—rest is part of the strategy.
- Celebrate Small Wins: Willpower grows with positive reinforcement, not guilt.
