When a parent falls ill, siblings – some of whom may not have had much contact in recent years – are suddenly thrown together again and required to avoid falling into old family patterns, transcend their differences, and make critical decisions together to care for an aging mom or dad. A new study has found that this scenario places terrible pressure on the sibling relationship, often resulting in estrangement.
Caregiving often arrives at a life stage when adult children already are overwhelmed with raising their kids, trying to build or maintain their careers, paying mortgages, managing households, caring for spouses, or navigating their own health concerns. The result is a pressure cooker: Practical tasks pile up, emotions run high, and caregiving siblings measure each other’s contributions in time, money, attention, and sacrifice.
A new study (June 2026) commissioned by Bay Alarm Medical, a provider of medical alert systems and senior safety solutions, surveyed 1008 U.S. adults who share or once shared caregiving responsibility for a parent over 65. One of the most surprising findings is that 18 percent reported that they had lost a relationship with a sibling because of disagreements over caring for an aging parent.
“Family conflict is common,” says Ricardo Rodriguez of Fractl, a digital marketing agency. “However, the fact that almost one in five people experienced permanent estrangement from this situation is noteworthy.”
The survey also found that 28 percent of respondents were so frustrated that they were willing to cut off a sibling over disagreements about a parent’s care, medical appointments, safety, finances, housing, and daily support. Many factors play into these decisions, including a parent’s well-being, a family’s resources, and the emotional labor of watching someone age or decline.
Rodriguez says that the results of the survey show the high stakes of these decisions for siblings: “Seven in ten respondents (69 percent) reported having engaged in a fight with their siblings due to caregiving issues related to finances (36 percent) and unequal time spent on caregiving (26 percent).”
It’s Not Fair!
The study reveals that a perception of unfairness is often the catalyst for the conflicts. Nearly half of respondents (47 percent) said they feel resentment toward a sibling because caregiving is not shared equitably. Many families never discuss caregiving or create a thoughtful, carefully divided plan. Instead, caregiving often happens by default, based upon who lives closest, who has the more flexible job, or even who was the “favorite.” Long-standing familiar sibling roles rooted in birth order, personality, and finances may emerge again, determining who steps forward and who steps back.
Gender expectations appear to shape how families divide care. The average caregiver says that one person shoulders 53 percent of the parent’s care responsibilities – making the appointments, driving to visits, coordinating medications, checking in daily, or managing emergencies — and typically, that person is a daughter. The survey found that 46 percent of respondents said a daughter carried the hands-on caregiving, nearly three times as many (17 percent) as those who said a son did. Meanwhile, less-involved siblings may feel criticized, excluded, or unaware of the amount of time and effort a sibling is devoting to caregiving.
It’s no surprise that this imbalance is fertile ground for animosity. “This disproportion,” Rodriguez says, “is likely one of the main reasons why almost half of the respondents are resentful.” Caregiving can turn small frustrations into larger conclusions about fairness, respect, and love. Some say the experience revealed a sibling’s true character and their willingness to sacrifice for the family.
The Perilous Family Chat
Much of the communication and conflicts of caregiving occur in family chats. Half of respondents said that arguments happen in the family group chat. The number-one source of conflict, according to the survey, is money, followed by the imbalance of time and effort.
The family text thread is convenient for quick updates, but it can also intensify conflict as it’s easy to misread tone and meaning. An exhausted sibling may fire off a hostile message about missed appointments or unpaid bills. Another may quickly respond defensively. Others may stay silent, which can be interpreted as indifference. Frustration can spread fast and, suddenly, the entire family is dragged into a disagreement before anyone has had time to cool down.
Caregiving Essential Reads
How to Reduce Conflict
Rodriguez says that the results of the research show that family trends are exacerbated by caregiving activities. Caregiving will always bring hard decisions, but siblings can reduce conflict by talking earlier, defining expectations clearly, and recognizing that care can take many forms. He offers these practical strategies to help families reduce conflict during the caregiving process:
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Talk about roles ahead of time, and be open and honest about expectations.
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Define roles clearly. Assigning specific duties (e.g., money management, driving, appointments, or everyday tasks) might help avoid confusion or misunderstandings.
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Acknowledge what everyone is doing to minimize resentment. Each sibling may offer caregiving in different ways. For example, one may take care of everyday needs, another might be contributing financially, and yet another might schedule appointments.
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Communicate directly. Given that many arguments occur in group messages, families may prefer to discuss difficult topics by phone or even face-to-face.
If caregiving or end-of-life disputes become too acrimonious, siblings can hire an “elder mediator.” This new field has emerged to respond to the needs of quarreling siblings, and these mediators help resolve issues such as caregiving, inheritance, living arrangements, and estate planning.
