In my work, I generally dislike the concept of “work-life balance” for several reasons. First, it treats work and life as opposites. But increasingly for many people, these two intermingle. There is no clear ability to separate the two. If you’ve ever had a call from your child’s school while at work or had a work email or call show up while spending time with your family, you know that the days of keeping these things separate are no longer. Second, the idea of “balance” suggests that these two aspects are sitting on either end of a scale, and the goal is to get them level and keep them there. That image implies a finish line. But there is never a “finish line” when it comes to managing these aspects of life. They constantly change and we must constantly adjust. So the idea that we can find a perfect “balance” makes for an unrealistic goal. In sum, the idea of “work-life balance” is nonsense. So what should we focus on instead?
A better word is harmony, not balance
Harmony isn’t about getting opposites to balance out. It’s about getting the different demands of your life to work together reasonably well. It highlights that there is a fluidity and change to the different aspects of our life. And the most important issue in trying to get these aspects of life to work together is your energy allocation. Thus, the real question isn’t, “How do I balance work and life?” It’s, “How do I allocate my time and energy across the things competing for them right now?” That’s a different problem to solve, and a much more useful one.
Energy isn’t unlimited
It’s a terrible thing we have done in our culture to suggest that if you just try harder, you can get done everything on your to-do list. It makes it seem that if we aren’t handling all the demands, it’s because we’re not trying hard enough. More often than not, the demands are unrealistic for the energy we have. The reality is that our energy is fixed and we cannot magically create more energy through willpower. A more accurate concept is to imagine our energy like a battery. It can be charged and drained and there is a fixed amount.
The real skill to learn
In the training I run on this, we don’t start with time management. We start with energy management and these three key pieces:
- Being more mindful about what actually charges and drains your battery. While there are some drains that are consistent for everyone, there are real individual differences in our charges and drains that are useful to pay attention to. What are the charges and drains in your day?
- Being more intentional about charging our battery. I bet you put some effort today into charging your cellphone. You noticed it was low and found a charger. When’s the last time you were intentional about charging your own battery? There are some very effective ways to charge our battery and there are some things we do that we sometimes think are charging us but they are actually energy drains in disguise (social media, I’m looking at you). What activities you feel more energetic at the end than when you started? This isn’t about healthy habits. It’s about things that make you smile.
- Choosing how to spend our limited battery. This goes directly to the work-life balance issue. How do you decide how to spend your limited battery? And what do you do when your battery isn’t enough for the real demands of your life? What can only you do and what could anyone do? How can you add extra batteries to the system?
Finally, we don’t just focus on “what” you should do around battery management, but also “how” to do it. There are a lot of tips and tricks from psychological science that can make building these habits a lot more effective. “Try harder” is not an evidence-based strategy for building habits.
As you get ready for returning to school this year, consider how to manage your battery and how to get the demands of your life working in harmony instead of the elusive “work-life balance.”
