In any new relationship, there’s a period of time in which both individuals have the chance to decide how serious this relationship will become.
Casey and Morgan were both single when a mutual friend introduced them. It seemed like things were off to a good start. However, a few weeks into the relationship, Casey began to wonder why Morgan wasn’t picking up on what she thought were obvious cues that she was ready to commit. Wanting this relationship to be serious, Casey felt hurt and confused about what was holding Morgan back from reciprocating.
If you can relate to this situation, you may have some theories about Morgan’s seeming indifference. Perhaps Morgan isn’t really that interested in Casey. Or maybe Morgan is just an indecisive person who always waits to take action.
The Quandary of Relational Indecisiveness
According to Kyoto University’s Kuan-Ju Huang and colleagues (2026), decisions involving relationships “can be fraught with ambiguity, conflicts, and uncertainties, preventing individuals from making fast and stable decisions” (p. 1391). In some ways, the general inability to make decisions can reflect a general personality trait. However, reflecting socio-ecological factors, culture can play a role, affecting what’s called “relational mobility.” In cultures with high relational mobility, people feel free to make and break relationships. In low-mobility countries, geographical limitations or institutional norms create low relational mobility.
If you’ve never thought about this concept before, it may strike you as quite a revelation, showing you that there are forces you didn’t realize existed that can shape your romantic life. Huang et al. propose that the lower the relational mobility, the greater the likelihood that people will find it tough to make decisions about who to get involved with.
But there’s another aspect to the equation. Rejection sensitivity—the tendency to see rejection where it may not exist—will only accentuate relational indecision. If your society leads you to feel you don’t have much ability to move in and out of relationships, this will make you not only indecisive, but also worried that being left by your partner will leave you with no options to move on.
The True Test of Relational Indecision
All of this theoretical background helps us understand both why someone may be relationally indecisive and how this quality can compound rejection sensitivity. The Huang et al. study explored these processes, but first, the authors had to develop a scale to assess relational indecisiveness.
These six items formed the romantic indecision scale, which was preceded by these instructions:
The following questions are about how you make decisions in interpersonal situations. ‘Interpersonal situations’ here refers to situations when you interact with others or when your decisions may directly affect others. Rate each item from 1 (strongly disagree) to 5 (strongly agree): Note- “R” refers to a reversed item.
- In interpersonal situations, I become anxious when making a decision
- In interpersonal situations, I find it easy to make decisions (R)
- Once I make a decision in an interpersonal situation, I stop worrying about it (R)
- In interpersonal situations, it seems that deciding on the most trivial thing takes me a long time
- In interpersonal situations, I try to put off making decisions
- In interpersonal situations, I always know exactly what I want (R)
Averaging across items, the mean score on the five-point scale was 3.17 (with most scoring between 2.3 and 3.98). People scoring above 4 per item, then, would be the ones most leery of deciding whether to go ahead with a new partner.
Across a series of four studies comparing nearly 2,900 people from three countries (Japan, Taiwan, and the U.S.), the authors tested a model predicting interpersonal indecision from country of origin, relational mobility, and rejection sensitivity in their effects on interpersonal indecision. The findings showed that Japan, as a low-mobility country, was most likely to produce “an enhanced need to be aware of potential rejection and ostracism” (p. 1406), which, in turn, made the Japanese highest on relational indecision.
What Relational Indecisiveness Can Do for You
From the Huang et al. study, you can see that relational indecisiveness is indeed a potentially important quality to be able to assess in a new partner. Someone who can’t seem to decide whether to get involved with you may be driven by high rejection sensitivity, but also, given the socio-ecological perspective, it could be a quality shaped by their culture.
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However, keep in mind that country differences, such as the one examined in this study, may also not tell the whole story. Perhaps people like Morgan grew up in a household where family members negatively judged others who behaved as if dating were ruled by a free-market economy. Rather than feeling free to experiment with new relationships, the highly indecisive may just have learned that once committed, you need to stay committed, with no going back. Therefore, that first commitment becomes a high-stakes enterprise.
To sum up, understanding the processes that can lead people to waver on the brink of romantic decisions can be helpful as you enter into new relationships. If you’re willing to wait, it may be worth giving a hesitant partner a chance to arrive at a decision that will bring both of you the greatest fulfillment.
