When it comes to personal and professional growth, cultivating self-awareness is essential. Self-awareness is a super skill that influences how we show up for ourselves, for our work, and for the people who matter most.
And yet, the research here might surprise you.
Researcher and organizational psychologist Dr. Tasha Eurich and her team found that while 95% of people think they’re self-aware, only about 10-15% actually are (Eurich, 2018). This means that many people are overestimating their level of self-awareness.
We often think of self-awareness as something we build by looking inward—by reflecting on our own thoughts, behaviours, values, and areas for growth. Yes, this is a big part of it. But if we stop there, there will inevitably be aspects of ourselves that we miss. If we don’t also seek out feedback from others and understand how they experience us, we’re missing part of the picture.
Dr. Tasha Eurich offers a helpful framework for understanding self-awareness based on these two questions:
Internal self-awareness: How well do you know yourself?
External self-awareness: How well do you understand how others see you?
Internal self-awareness relates to how clearly we see and understand who we are (including our thoughts, feelings, strengths, weaknesses, values, behaviours, and impact on others).
External self-awareness relates to our ability to understand how others see us (in terms of our strengths, limitations, values, passions, goals, and reactions).
Interestingly, the research shows that there isn’t necessarily a link between the two. You can be high in one and low in the other. This brings us to Eurich’s Four Self-Awareness Archetypes.
The Four Self-Awareness Archetypes
Eurich’s model is a powerful starting point for reflection and growth. It uses a 2×2 grid with internal self-awareness along one axis and external self-awareness along the other. Here are the archetypes outlined by her model:
Introspectors (High Internal, Low External)
These individuals have a good sense of who they are but don’t seek out external feedback, which can leave them with significant blind spots.
Seekers (Low Internal, Low External)
These are individuals who don’t really know who they are yet and are unclear on how others perceive them.
Aware (High Internal, High External)
These individuals understand themselves and actively seek credible feedback from others to adapt and evolve.
Pleasers (Low Internal, High External)
These are individuals who overly prioritize the needs and perceptions of others, often at the expense of their own sense of self.
We can ebb and flow through the archetypes depending on life’s seasons. Which one would you say best describes you right now?
Uncovering Blind Spots and the Value of a Trusted Inner Circle
No matter where we find ourselves in this framework, there are going to be things others can see about us that we don’t. Naturally, there are always going to be facets of our behaviour or impact that others notice before we do. These blind spots can quietly impact our relationships, our effectiveness at work, and even our own personal fulfillment.
The reality is that even if you have a strong sense of who you are, if you’re not actively checking your blind spots and seeking honest external feedback, you’re likely missing something. Also, the higher you go, especially in leadership, the more important it will be to be intentional. You may find yourself surrounded by nodding heads and “yes” people because of the innate power and positional authority.
Given this idea that blind spots are a natural part of the human experience, building and leaning into a trusted inner circle is invaluable. It’s so important to have some way to uncover and check your blind spots. Having people who know you well, have your best interests at heart, are honest, and bring in different viewpoints can help you grow in ways you might not have otherwise been able to. Whether it’s a friend, partner, colleague, mentor, or even your children (mine are some of my greatest teachers!), these are the people who, when invited, can gently point out things you might not see or help you connect the dots when you’re stuck. They’re the ones you can turn to and say, “Please help me see what I might be missing here.”
What Matters When Giving and Receiving Feedback
Feedback is essential for growth, but timing and delivery can make a big difference.
Here are a few key insights to keep in mind when giving and receiving feedback:
- Feedback lands best when we’re feeling resourced and safe: When we are rested, grounded, and present, we’re far less likely to feel threatened or defensive. If we’re feeling stressed, fatigued, or under-resourced, even well-meaning feedback can feel like criticism or a personal attack. Taking care of ourselves (through things like sleep, self-care, and managing stress) can make a difference in our openness and discernment when it comes to feedback.
- Clarity is kindness: As Dr. Brené Brown says, “Clear is kind, unclear is unkind.” Share your observations kindly but directly.
- Connect before you correct: Before offering feedback, take time to connect on a human level. Establishing rapport and emotional safety helps convey that your feedback is coming from a place of care and increases the likelihood that it will be heard.
- Choose the right environment and time: Certain times (like right before bed) or emotionally charged moments are not the most conducive to productive feedback. Choosing a safe and supportive context and even asking, “Is now a good time to [talk about this or share some thoughts]?” can help ensure they are ready for the conversation.
- Notice your initial reaction: When receiving feedback, recognize when someone might have hit something tender and acknowledge the twinge of defensiveness you may feel. Some of us have these internal shields that automatically interpret feedback as rejection, especially if our past experiences with feedback have been negative or unkind.
- Take what’s useful: Give yourself permission to reflect, consider the source, and decide what is helpful (sometimes this requires putting our ego aside).
Final Thoughts
Self-awareness is a skill that can be developed and improved over time. While there may be a level of discomfort that comes with working to become more self-aware, especially as you encounter blind spots, biases, and feedback that challenges you to grow, inviting the perspectives of others and engaging in regular self-reflection can lead to greater clarity. Dr. Tasha Eurich’s research shows that developing self-awareness is linked to greater confidence, increased creativity, better decision-making, stronger relationships, and more effective communication (Eurich, 2018).
Cultivating both internal and external self-awareness can be transformative for personal and professional growth. It’s not just about turning inward; it’s also about being open to how others experience you and using that insight to grow.
