Jerk: noun
jerk /jərk/
- a quick, sharp, sudden movement.
- a contemptibly obnoxious person.
Does it seem like humanity is more intent on selfishness than ever? And what do we make of all these dictators, internet trolls, and people who recline their airline coach seats or leave their shopping carts between cars? Is it a race to the bottom for us all? These are dark and lofty questions of humanity. Take heart, for all kindness is not lost. Turns out we’re far more Moana than Maleficent.
Hug a jerk; they don’t really live forever.
The second-greatest commandment from the Almighty is to “love your neighbor as yourself.” It’s right up there with loving your enemies. Personally, I find it’s much easier to love my far-off enemies like Putin, Kim Jong-un, or the Kardashians than to love the guy I hold the door open for at Starbucks who then orders before me. For his entire office.
Is being a jerk an American privilege, like mass shootings, Costco, and lifted trucks? And are people really worse behaved than in previous times? Or are we comparing our current social interactions to It’s a Wonderful Life rather than, say, the Roman Empire? I’ll stop asking questions and start providing answers lest I become a…well, you know. But keep in mind that pejoratives exist solely to be hurled at societal cranks so they fall back in line.
I did considerable scholarly research on “why are people jerks” and similar derogatory search strings. Not just for this post; rather, because I personally needed to know. I thought I’d find a couple of cut-and-dry, definitive answers. Like, some people are genetically predisposed to the jerk gene coming from a lineage of jerks. Or they’re a narcissist, a sociopath, or simply didn’t get enough hugs from mommy growing up. There just had to be a straightforward, tangible cause that I would find for my own appeasement. But it was like trying to find the reason we look at the Sun to sneeze.
What does the research say?
According to Melvin Lerner’s “Just World Theory,”1 people are strongly motivated to believe that the world is a just and fair place, where good things happen to good people and bad things happen to bad people. Like in a Disney movie. This helps us cope with the biases and injustices that permeate daily life, while providing a sense of order.2 But this is fallacy. Look no further than the rise of immoral people and evil companies getting ahead despite societal and regulatory checks and balances.
And this may come as a surprise, but people are more often kind than not.3 The bulk of scientific evidence reveals that most people are naturally kind. And there’s a simple reason for it: Our most basic drives are survival, well-being, and happiness. Being treated otherwise goes directly against this. Humans automatically exhibit a preference for moral beauty. One prominent study showed that this behavioral penchant is driven by an inherent natural tendency towards kindness in people.4 However, the studies don’t mention how tough it is being nice to the not-so-nice who deserve to be called out.
But do jerks get further ahead in life?
It’s a myth that jerks get ahead of others. Jerks succeed despite being jerks, not because of it. And even if you’re a rich and famous jerk, you’re still a jerk. Research shows that being intimidating, manipulative, or selfish does not help people get ahead. And people with disagreeable personalities (selfish, combative, and manipulative) do not have an advantage in pursuing power at work.5 In study after study, no matter the individual or the context, unpleasantness did not give people an advantage in the competition for power.
“There are three ways to ultimate success: The first way is to be kind. The second way is to be kind. The third way is to be kind.” —Mr. Rogers
Empathy and compassion are keys to the ability to cooperate. And that empathy is a skill that can be honed, especially at an early age when our brains are still forming. There’s also plenty of scientific evidence that kindness begets kindness, and that kindness makes you feel better when someone else feels better.6
It’s still okay to have passing thoughts of knocking a buffet hog aside to snag the last crab leg or using an imaginary car-mounted RPG to blast the jerk going 55 mph in the fast lane. But that’s why we have a frontal lobe: to keep us pleasant and out of prison.
