Rejection And “High-Functioning” Autism

Autistic individuals who are described as “high-functioning” (a term often used for autistic people without intellectual disability who have relatively independent life skills) frequently desire social connection yet encounter significant challenges in social settings.

Many report feeling greater loneliness and peer bullying compared to their neurotypical peers​.

High functioning is a term that many autistic people do not like because being labeled as “high-functioning” takes away from the very real struggles these individuals may have in some areas of life.

It also diminishes the very real strengths and capabilities of those described as “low functioning.”

While these individuals may not face the same challenges as those with intellectual disabilities, they often experience difficulties in social interaction, communication, and emotional regulation.

One area of particular concern for these individuals is rejection sensitivity, which refers to an increased emotional response to perceived or actual rejection. This can manifest as intense emotional pain, anxiety, and avoidance of social situations.

Common Experiences of Social Rejection

Autistic individuals encounter rejection in various life domains. Below we explore how rejection commonly manifests in friendships, romantic relationships, and workplace interactions:

Friendships and Peer Social Life

• Difficulty Making Friends: Autistic communication differences can lead to misunderstandings, causing peers to perceive enthusiasm as “intense” and withdraw. Repeated rejections foster anxiety and hesitation in initiating new friendships.
• Being Shunned or Excluded: Exclusion from social events and group activities reinforces feelings of otherness and contributes to loneliness. This pattern persists into adulthood, with subtler forms of exclusion in social settings.
• Friendship Breakdowns: Misunderstandings can abruptly end friendships, leaving autistic individuals baffled and hurt. Past rejections create emotional scars, leading to wariness of new connections or clinging to unhealthy relationships.
• Bullying and Teasing: Overt bullying, name-calling, and mockery are common, causing lasting trauma and social anxiety. Adult settings may still involve belittling comments, reinforcing expectations of rejection.

Romantic Relationships and Dating

• Challenges in Dating: Navigating unspoken dating rules and social cues is difficult, often resulting in repeated rejections. Fear of rejection can lead to avoidance of dating altogether.
• Miscommunication with Partners: Communication differences can cause emotional distancing and breakups. Autistic partners may be misread, and their expressions of affection misunderstood, leading to resentment and relationship failure.
• Partner and Family Rejection: Rejection from a partner’s family or lack of support from a spouse can create feelings of invalidation and rejection of autonomy. Disclosure of autism can also lead to relationship breakdowns.
• Stigma and Stereotypes in Dating: Societal stereotypes dismiss autistic individuals as incapable of romance, leading to preemptive rejection. Overcoming this prejudice is an added challenge.

Workplace Interactions and Professional Settings

• Exclusion by Colleagues: Social exclusion at work, such as being left out of gatherings, creates feelings of isolation. This echoes past peer rejection and leads to job dissatisfaction.
• Workplace Bullying or Harassment: Autistic adults can face bullying, mockery, and dismissal of their contributions. This trauma can lead to job loss and severe emotional distress.
• Misunderstandings and “Masking”: Masking autistic traits to fit in is stressful, and misunderstandings still occur, impacting professional advancement. Social bias can lead to professional rejection.
• Stigma and Discrimination: Fear of discrimination leads some to conceal their diagnosis. Hostile environments and wrongful termination can occur. Although awareness is improving, marginalization remains common.

Impact of Social Rejection on High-Functioning Autistic Individuals

Social rejection can deeply affect the mental health of autistic individuals. Even those labeled “high-functioning” (who often have strong cognitive skills) are not immune to the emotional pain of exclusion or misunderstanding.

Key psychological and emotional effects include:

Anxiety and Distress

Many autistic people experience intense social anxiety due to fear of being rejected or misinterpreted.

Over time, repeated experiences of rejection or bullying may lead to hypervigilance – constantly monitoring others for signs of disapproval – which heightens stress levels​.

Autistic people who experience rejection sensitivity describe feeling “intense sadness & insecurity” at small signs of criticism or withdrawal by others​.

Such heightened sensitivity means that each instance of exclusion can reinforce a cycle of anxiety, making the person even more afraid of future social encounters.

Depression and Loneliness

Chronic rejection and social isolation can lead to depression of which autistic adults are especially vulnerable.

One major contributor is the ongoing feelings of social isolation and unmet belonging needs.

Autistic individuals often want friends and approval, but difficulty achieving these connections can result in extreme feelings of social isolation and loneliness. described by one woman as “the heartache of having unmet needs”.​

Being bullied or excluded repeatedly can also accumulate as trauma. Some respond by withdrawing from social life to protect themselves yet still suffer from loneliness (e.g. “I would rather be alone, but I cannot stand the loneliness”​).

This paradox – craving connection but fearing more hurt – often fuels depressive feelings.

Low Self-Esteem and Self-Worth Issues

Autistic adults often internalize negative messages from peers over the years, coming to view themselves as “less valuable” or inferior because they don’t fit in socially​.

For example, typical adolescents might value traits like quick wit or popularity, whereas an autistic teen might bring traits like loyalty and deep knowledge to a friendship – qualities that peers unfortunately may not recognize or reward.

Feeling “not good enough” or believing one is fundamentally flawed is a common outcome of long-term social rejection.

Without a strong, positive self-identity as a buffer, it becomes hard to mentally counteract the cruel words of bullies or the exclusion by others.

Emotional Dysregulation

The stress of rejection can make it harder for autistic individuals to manage their emotions.

Many experience episodes of intense anger, sadness, or meltdown after being left out or criticized.

Studies of rejection sensitivity dysphoria note that perceived rejection may trigger emotional outbursts or shutdowns as well as feelings of hopelessness​.

Some individuals cope by withdrawing entirely from social situations to avoid further hurt​. Others may become highly sensitive to any feedback, struggling to distinguish constructive criticism from true rejection.

Over time, the constant emotional turmoil can be exhausting, leading to fatigue and burnout. This emotional exhaustion further diminishes one’s capacity to engage socially, again reinforcing isolation.

Coping Strategies for Mitigating the Effects of Rejection

While social rejection can be painful, there are several coping strategies and interventions that can help autistic individuals manage the emotional fallout and improve their social success over time.

The goal of coping strategies is twofold: to reduce the emotional distress caused by rejection and to build skills and supports that make rejection less frequent and less damaging.

Therapeutic Approaches

Professional therapy can provide targeted help for dealing with rejection, anxiety, and depression. Some effective therapeutic approaches include:

• Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Helps identify and replace negative thoughts, reducing anxiety and depression related to rejection. Individuals learn to reframe social events and develop emotional stability.
• Mindfulness-Based Therapies: Teach non-judgmental observation of thoughts and feelings, lessening the impact of rejection. Mindfulness practices reduce stress, while Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) fosters emotional resilience.
• Counseling and Psychotherapy: Provides a safe space to discuss social struggles, process trauma, and develop coping strategies. A neurodiversity-affirming therapist can help build self-esteem and manage triggers.
• Addressing Trauma: Trauma-focused therapies like EMDR and trauma-informed CBT help reprocess painful memories. Assertiveness training empowers individuals to set boundaries and actively manage social situations.

eyond formal therapy, autistic individuals can employ various self-help techniques to manage rejection and build emotional resilience. These strategies complement therapeutic work and can be practiced independently:

Mindfulness and Relaxation Practices

Regular mindfulness meditation helps establish a foundation of calm—just 10 minutes each morning focusing on breathing or using a meditation app can create this habit.

When facing painful social situations, techniques like deep breathing, counting, or progressive muscle relaxation can quickly reduce stress responses.

Many find relief through sensory activities: soothing music, weighted blankets, warm baths, or pet interactions.

The key is identifying which strategies personally bring calm and deploying them strategically.

Journaling and Emotional Expression

Writing provides a powerful tool for processing emotions, especially for those who find verbal communication challenging.

After social distress, journaling allows structured processing—describing what happened, resulting feelings, and possible causes.

This brings clarity and helps separate facts from assumptions. Over time, journals reveal emotional patterns and growth.

Creative outlets like drawing or painting can also externalize difficult emotions that resist verbalization.

The process of expression matters more than the product—it’s about releasing tension, not creating art for others.

Physical Activity and Exercise

Regular exercise serves multiple purposes: reducing stress, improving mood, and burning nervous energy.

Activities like walking, running, swimming, or dancing release endorphins that counter depressive feelings after rejection.

Some forms of exercise provide social opportunities (hiking clubs, martial arts classes, autism-friendly sports groups), building skills and community in low-pressure environments.

Physical routines add predictable structure when social relationships feel uncertain. Even a daily 15-minute walk can become meditative, clearing negative thoughts.

Self-Compassion and Positive Self-Talk

Rather than harsh self-criticism after rejection (“I’m so stupid, no wonder they don’t like me”), practice responding with empathy (“I’m hurt now, but anyone would feel hurt in this situation. It doesn’t mean I’m unworthy of friendship”).

Recognizing that rejection is universal—experienced by neurotypical and autistic individuals alike—helps normalize these experiences and reduce shame.

Keep positive affirmations accessible for difficult moments: “I have valuable qualities even if not everyone sees them” or “One rejection doesn’t define me.”

Though initially awkward, consistent compassionate self-talk gradually builds positive self-image.

Allow yourself to feel pain without guilt—acknowledging “I am upset because that mattered to me” rather than dismissing emotions as overreactions.

Processing feelings in a healthy way prevents excessive rumination and self-blame.

Structured Routines and Hobbies

Immersion in favorite activities or special interests restores a sense of competence and joy that counterbalances rejection.

Whether coding, gaming, art, reading, or nature study, these pursuits remind us that life offers fulfillment beyond social approval.

Maintaining daily routines brings stability during emotional turbulence—a morning routine the day after a difficult social experience prevents sinking into inertia.

Personal interests can eventually become avenues for more comfortable social connection through online forums or interest-based clubs, where interactions develop naturally around shared passions with reduced face-to-face pressure.

Expert Insights and Advice on Navigating Social Rejection

Experts in psychology and autism spectrum disorders offer valuable advice for individuals with high-functioning autism facing social rejection. Their insights emphasize self-acceptance, resilience, and practical strategies.

Recognize the “Double Empathy” Gap

Dr. Damian Milton explains that communication difficulties are bidirectional—non-autistic people often struggle to understand autistic people just as much as vice versa. Psychologist Michelle Garnett notes that being misunderstood creates barriers for autistic individuals.

Practical Advice:

• Don’t assume all blame for social mishaps lies with you
• Understand that neurotypical peers may misread autistic social signals
• Remember that rejection might stem from others not making effort to understand
• Researcher Desiree Jones highlights how society often unfairly stereotypes autistic individuals

Build a Strong Self-Identity

Dr. Tony Attwood emphasizes developing robust self-worth as protection against rejection, noting that autistic adults who suffered bullying “without a well-defined and robust self-identity” struggle to “mentally counter what the bully says or cope with social rejection.”

Practical Advice:

• Discover and affirm your strengths, interests, and values
• Celebrate your unique traits, including autistic characteristics
• Use this “emotional armor” to maintain self-worth despite rejection
• Join neurodiversity-affirming communities or learn about successful autistic role models
• Ensure your self-esteem is self-defined, not determined by others’ treatment

Educate and Advocate (Selective Disclosure)

Dr. Noah Sasson suggests improving social outcomes by educating non-autistic people about autism. University of Texas at Dallas research shows that familiarizing neurotypical people with autistic perspectives reduces stigma.

Practical Advice:

• Consider explaining your needs to those close to you
• Share specific examples: “I get anxious in crowds, so if I step outside, I just need a breather”
• Remember disclosure is personal—you don’t owe everyone an explanation
• Support autism acceptance initiatives where comfortable
• Use your voice strategically to advocate for understanding

Practice Resilience and Reframing

Research on autistic adults shows that developing both coping strategies and resilience helps lower stress levels. Therapist Michelle Garcia Winner advises learning to personalize less.

Practical Advice:

• Reframe rejection: “That was one experience with one person. I can learn and move forward”
• Extract constructive feedback when available and let the rest go
• Practice self-care during difficult times
• Keep a “resilience journal” of successes and positive experiences
• Build resilience gradually—the goal isn’t avoiding hurt but becoming stronger at handling it

Utilize Professional Support and Resources

Psychologist Dr. Amy Marschall (herself autistic) notes that finding therapists experienced with neurodivergent clients can greatly improve coping skills and well-being.

Practical Advice:

• Seek professional help for anxiety, depression, or trauma from social experiences
• Explore resources from organizations like the National Autistic Society
• Participate in structured programs like social skills groups or workshops
• Remember that building social skills and resilience is a journey with ups and downs
• Recognize that seeking help demonstrates strength, not weakness

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