My 92-year-old friend Anne Wennhold told me recently that she took a “mini-vacation” from the aging process. Why in the world would a 92-year-old take a break from aging?
Well, Anne is no “normal” ager. After retiring, she co-led multi-day eldering retreats for years, but decided in her late 80s that the travel involved was just too much. These days her work is conducted largely via Zoom. Periodically she offers an online class about the individual’s “tasks of aging” into their late 80s and 90s
I asked her once if I could join in, but she said I was too young. “You change a lot in your 80s—physically, mentally, and spiritually,” she said, “and younger people don’t get it yet.”
An avid writer herself, Anne has a couple memoir-writing groups she’s facilitated for years; she also coaches writers in private, one-on-one sessions. Before the pandemic, she regularly led a drumming circle, went to dinners and classical music concerts with old friends, and periodically trekked west of the Hudson River Valley to see a couple she’s very fond of. Anne is an independent, childfree elder aging in place on her own.
Starting about five years ago, one by one Anne’s close friends began moving into retirement communities located far away, close to their adult children. With each relocation, Anne’s world shrank. It didn’t help when her landlord of 15 years sold the duplex she lived in. Finding a new place she could afford took months, ultimately necessitating a move several miles away from the little town she loved. The move was disorientating at first, but eventually Anne discovered new shopping and lunch sites. Still, she misses her old friends.
Despite all the goings-on in her life, Anne is acutely aware that her social world is collapsing. “Making new friends at my age is hard work,” she confessed recently. Still, she’s befriended a woman two decades her junior who lives down the hall. Recently she signed up for a watercolor class at the local senior center.
Instead of pushing herself to do even more, though, Anne chose a two-day mini-vacation in her own apartment. She gave herself a break, just for a short bit. Sleep figured prominently in Anne’s plan. She snoozed whenever she wanted, ate whatever sounded good at the moment, and didn’t bother getting dressed.
During COVID, she and I started a tradition of swapping Netflix movies and series recommendations, then discussing them. Love Is Blind and Married at First Sight grabbed us both, mostly for trying to figure out who made quality matches and dishing about the poor choices of others.
While on mini-vacation, Anne tuned in to Love Is Blind but didn’t watch it. “The droning voices in the background were people I didn’t have to pay attention to,” she said, “like company I didn’t have to worry about. I could just close my eyes and sleep and miss absolutely nothing, but not feel alone.”
However, when Netflix switched itself to Love Is Blind: Germany, Anne got hooked. She watched the entire season. The contestants were more interesting to her than the U.S. version, especially one guy who knew he didn’t want to have children but did want to find love. She followed his quest and rooted him on to the finish. That’s all she did for two days.
When we spoke about her experiment a few days ago, I could hear sheer delight in her voice. She sounded content and better rested than she had in weeks. I learned that designing a mini-vacation for yourself can help ease the challenges of aging and provide a new perspective on daily routines. That’s got to be really good for your outlook and for your health.
