We initially attempt to live life on our ego’s terms. We get to exercise our wills in order to manifest our preferences and meet our needs. We are able to employ boundaries, protecting our safety and what we love. Sooner or later, we may learn that our egos can take us only so far. There can be a realization of life’s immensity and how much is beyond our control. However, the ego may protest its loss of control and decide to devise a strategy to mitigate the challenges and risks that life inevitably presents. These strategies can be identified as bypasses. Their aim is to allegedly bypass the messiness, insecurity, and feeling of vulnerability that life brings.
The Spiritual Bypass
A popular bypass is the spiritual bypass. This bypass creates an illusion of control, which the ego finds very appealing. Some of the spiritual bypass’s exhortations include, “You can attract everything you require – people, money, and advancements,” “Create the appropriate sense of inner peace and joy, then what you desire from the external world will appear,” “The universe will arrange itself in accordance with your intentions.”
Unfortunately, when the best intentions do not result in the universe responding favorably to the ego’s bidding, we easily fall prey to the words of a false prophet, “You’re simply not doing it right.” Joseph Campbell offers reassurance that it’s not about us having better intentions. “The fates lead him who will; him who won’t, they drag.”
The Intellectual Bypass
The intellectual bypass has been a favorite for some time. It favors thinking over being. And it is something referred to as dissociation. Of course, it’s easy to immerse ourselves in this bypass and possibly look intelligent while doing it. This bypass is activated as we realize life’s terms include feeling sad, hurt, scared, and inadequate. All emotional energies occur in the body. Taking up residency in our minds can mitigate the bite of our emotional lives.
There are several unfavorable consequences resulting from intellectual bypass. When we are overwhelmed by abstraction, our capacity for empathy is stifled. It can be difficult to be informed by our hearts. What and who we love, as well as how we live our love, can be skewed. The ability to grieve can be compromised, making it difficult to move on beyond our losses. Creating a deep emotional connection to others sits just behind a host of intriguing concepts.
The Psychological Processing Bypass
There is a relatively new bypass in town that is gaining popularity. Similar to any bypass, the psychological processing bypass aims to have us avoid taking risks and appear good while doing so. It is gaining popularity in personal growth settings, including psychotherapy, workshops, support groups, retreats, and coaching sessions. The bypass is a verbal exploration of our psychological lives. It often involves an examination of how early trauma impacts decisions and relationships. There is no attachment to a concrete outcome in the verbal processing. The bypasser is often perceived as courageously attending to needed healing, as their avoidance of risk-taking remains stealthy.
The most severe consequence of this bypass is a measure of arrested development. As the bypasser avoids taking the kinds of risks supporting personal development, both their professional lives and their relationships can be severely impaired. This bypasser often does not get the help needed to move beyond the bypass because people are so impressed with their verbal acuity. Life easily becomes one therapy session, workshop, and support group experience after another. Real life can be put on hold indefinitely.
Living Life on Life’s Terms
Living life on life’s terms means acting honestly and courageously in response to life’s challenges. Life’s terms include mystery, insecurity, and unpredictability. Here are some suggestions for living life on life’s terms.
- Accept that life will always be larger than you. Avoid either attempting to triumph over life or feeling like its victim.
- Attending to early trauma and developing your innate gifts are your internal resources for meeting life on life’s terms.
- External resources are good friends and mentors who can offer important assistance.
- Decide to live by the Serenity Prayer: “Grant me the serenity to accept what I cannot change, the courage to change what I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
- Become risk-friendly by committing to holding yourself compassionately regardless of the outcome of a risk that has been taken.
