I’ve heard anxiety described as “wrestling a bear.”
Having personally lived with anxiety, I can confirm: Sometimes it feels less like a bear, but more often, like battling a full-grown grizzly.
The problem is this: Choosing to fight a 1,000-pound bear is the wrong fight when it comes to mental health. It’s exhausting and time-consuming, and after all that effort, you’re often left bruised, depleted, and wondering why the bear still hasn’t gone anywhere.
Globally, about 5 percent of people live with some form of anxiety. What makes anxiety particularly debilitating is not just its intensity, but its persistence. When it’s unmanaged, anxiety can feel like elevator music that never shuts off. Except instead of mildly annoying, it’s deeply uncomfortable, and somehow lodged in both your mind and your body.
Anxiety is not just a mental experience; it is a full-body event. And how our nervous system responds to it is often shaped early in life. Growing up with unmet needs, emotional neglect, or unpredictability can wire a person for the survival states—fight, flight, freeze, or fawn—long before they have words for what’s happening.
In my own childhood, an unpredictable environment and an inattentive caregiver led me to become hyper-alert to nearly everything.
- Are my clothes ready for school tomorrow?
- What mood will they be in today?
- How do I stay invisible, agreeable, safe?
- How do I keep the peace?
Back to the bear.
If I wasn’t actively fighting the bear of anxiety, I was sprinting from it as if my life depended on it. The battle was chronic and relentless—until a combination of education, spiritual awakening, and a profound internal shift changed how I related to anxiety altogether.
I finally understood this: As long as I believed the bear was chasing me, my body believed I was under threat. And when the body senses threat, it only offers a few options: run, freeze, or fight until you’re exhausted.
But there was another option.
I could stop.
I could pause long enough to see that what I was doing was not working.
I could throw the bear a pot of honey.
I could signal safety.
For years, I made the mistake of trying to conquer anxiety, when I would have healed faster—and with far less suffering—by supporting myself through intentional safety signals. As Oprah says, “When we know better, we do better.” I made that correction. It changed my life. And today, I help clients do the same.
Signaling safety means sending consistent messages, through thoughts, behaviors, and rituals, that all is well, and that support is available now and in the future. Safety signaling is about taking the initiative to support yourself.
In other words, you can learn to feed the bear (in a healthy way) instead of living in fear that it’s about to devour you.
I now signal safety to my mind, body, and spirit from the moment I wake up until I close my eyes at night. And in doing so, I’ve experienced more calm, clarity, and positive energy than I ever imagined possible. Mental health is not something we “fix” once and forget—it’s ongoing and nuanced. Sometimes, a small shift in direction is all it takes to arrive somewhere entirely new.
Here are six powerful ways you can reduce anxiety and signal safety to yourself daily.
1. Let the birds feed you
Our ancestors relied on the sound of chirping birds to signal safety. Silence meant danger. Today, you can borrow this ancient cue by playing bird sounds while working or at home. Notice how your body softens without you having to do anything at all.
2. Create a relationship safety plan
One client struggled with an emotionally imbalanced relationship. I asked her to write down what safety would require. One line changed everything:
“This person has limited capacity to meet my emotional needs. I need to stop asking them to.”
Within a week, she felt lighter and less entangled.
3. Gain weight without gaining weight
A small weighted blanket can be profoundly grounding. Place it over your shoulders, put a hand on your heart, and say:
“There is no threat here.”
Repeat as needed. Anxiety tells the body danger is imminent. This practice gently tells the truth.
4. Create intentional breathing rituals
A man recovering from a painful breakup assigned meaning to his breath: inhaling confidence, exhaling neediness. Within two weeks, his sleep and focus returned. Breath becomes powerful when it carries intention.
5. Signal safety before your feet hit the floor
Instead of leaping into the day, begin with a 30-second hand massage and the mantra:
“My day begins in safety. I choose to carry this feeling with me.”
Think of it as nervous system shaping on the go.
6. Commit to signaling safety to others
When you offer others space, respond without reactivity, and invite honest communication, you reinforce safety within yourself. Safety is contagious. As it becomes a way of life, your body learns to trust you.
Anxiety doesn’t need to be conquered, dominated, or defeated. It needs to be understood—and reassured. When we stop treating anxiety like an enemy and start responding to it like a frightened messenger, everything shifts.
The bear was never the problem.
The belief that I was powerless was.
You don’t have to wrestle your way into calm.
You can arrive there by signaling safety, one small, compassionate choice at a time.
And yes, the bear will still be there sometimes.
But now, you’ll know exactly what to feed it.
