There’s something sacred about memory. How we hold one another, moments in time together, the connection, the love, and being in union as we merge together as a unified memory. The most intimate acts are shared memories, and the most painful element is when our loved ones’ memories fades.
The smell of your grandmother’s cookies. The sound of your child’s laughter. The look in the eyes of someone you’ve loved for decades.
Memory holds the story of who we are. It shapes our relationships and when Alzheimer’s disease takes hold, it doesn’t just erode memory, it alters identity, connection, and the very essence of being.
Alzheimer’s is not just forgetting where you put your keys. It’s forgetting how to use them. It’s looking into the face of someone you love and not recognizing their name, their story—or even that they belong to you.
What Happens in the Brain?
Our brains are made up of tens of billions of neurons—beautiful, intricate cells that transmit information through electric and chemical signals. These are the messengers of our thoughts, emotions, and memories but in Alzheimer’s, this network starts to fall apart.
Neurons stop functioning, lose connections, and die. This begins in the hippocampus, the part of the brain responsible for storing long-term memory. As these neurons disappear, so too does access to the memories that shaped our identity and relationships.
The Many Faces of Memory Loss
Alzheimer’s affects different types of memory in different ways:
- Episodic Memory: Personal experiences and events like weddings or holidays fade.
- Semantic Memory: General knowledge, like the names of objects or facts, becomes harder to access.
- Working Memory: Holding short-term information, like remembering directions or following a conversation, becomes overwhelming.
- Autobiographical Memory: One’s personal story and life history may blur or vanish.
- Retrograde Amnesia: Trouble recalling past events.
- Anterograde Amnesia: Difficulty forming new memories.
- False Memories: Confabulations or remembered events that never happened can arise as the brain fills in gaps.
These changes can affect daily life in profound ways, disrupting everything from conversations to basic routines.
How Alzheimer’s Physically Alters the Brain
- Amyloid plaques (clusters of protein between brain cells) and tau tangles (twisted fibers inside brain cells) disrupt vital connections.
- Chronic inflammation and glial cell dysfunction interfere with the brain’s immune response.
- Reduced blood flow, oxygen, and glucose starve neurons.
- Brain regions for communication and memory are altered where connecting socially and emotionally with loved ones and friends can be challenging for people with Alzheimer’s.
Supporting Someone With Memory Difficulties: What We Can Do
While we can’t reverse Alzheimer’s, there is so much we can do to help someone feel safe, supported, and seen.
Here are positive and compassionate ways to support someone with memory loss:
Be Present, Not Perfect
You don’t need to fix or correct. Just being there—with a calm tone, gentle presence, and a warm smile—can bring immense comfort.
Use Simple, Clear Language
Break down steps for daily tasks. Speak slowly and clearly. Visual reminders and labels can also help support memory.
Reconnect Through the Senses
Play familiar music. Show family photos. Bake a favorite dish. These sensory cues can awaken joy and recognition, even if words are lost.
Establish Gentle Routines
Familiarity creates a sense of safety. Keep a consistent daily schedule and use cues like clocks, calendars, or signs.
Encourage Movement & Brain Engagement
Short walks, art, puzzles, or singing together—these activities stimulate the brain and help maintain connection.
Use “Validation” Instead of Correction
If someone believes a long-deceased loved one is still alive, meet them where they are emotionally. Redirect gently rather than correcting harshly.
Care for Yourself, Too
Supporting someone with Alzheimer’s is tender and courageous work. Reach out for help. Join a caregiver group. Your emotional wellbeing matters deeply.
When Memory Fades, Love Remains
Alzheimer’s is a disease of the brain, but its effects are felt in the heart by those living with it and those loving them through it. Our hearts can long for the time we shared in a deep belly laugh, walking side by side on the beach, or listening to their words of wisdom over the phone. Even when words fail, the heart remembers kindness. Even when timelines blur, presence still matters.
Hold their hand.
Sing their song.
Sit in silence with them.
Even as memory fades, the language of love—spoken through care, touch, and connection—is never truly forgotten.
If you or someone you love is facing Alzheimer’s, you’re not alone. Together, may we meet this journey with tenderness and unwavering love.
