Truly confident people don’t let life (or anyone else) run the show.
One way you can learn to take back control when life feels off-kilter is by practicing self-care. But self-care involves more than most people realize. It’s a combination of physical and mental steps, like positive thinking, that help you feel like you’re in balance and in control of your life.
But holding on to your self-care practice is hard when life starts to tip out of control—you know, those weeks that are especially challenging, when the days seem endless, and all you can do is make it to Friday night?
When life feels overwhelming, it’s easy to wonder if you can handle it. That’s especially true when you feel like you’re trying hard to hold on to balance and don’t want to lose your footing. This balancing act can seem almost impossible when life gets volatile. We all need support and encouragement, and sometimes even a mindset overhaul to stay in control and maintain our power.
Holding on to confidence amid uncertainty can feel like a superpower, one that can feel elusive and hard to reach. My experience is that this form of self-care is a hidden cornerstone found in all confident people’s lives.
5 simple habits of people who naturally feel confident
1. They tell themself they can handle this.
First of all, even if you think you can’t, you can handle this. Try using the mantra of “I can handle this” when doubt strikes. The anxiety you’re feeling is likely a signal for needed growth. And even when that is true, it’s also true that you’re still handling the moment you’re in now. Recognizing that you’re coping, even if it isn’t graceful, is important.
2. They are careful where they pin their expectations.
In the spirit of making stress as low as possible, limit high expectations in general, or in any situation that tempts you to get your heart set on something over which you have limited control.
Your hopes and dreams are precious commodities—be protective of them and take care not to put them at unnecessary risk. Focus on realistic goals, informed by what is actually happening. Notice where you feel traction, and aim to build expectations from there.
Research shows that people with strong self-efficacy are more motivated and persistent when faced with obstacles, as they believe their efforts will ultimately pay off. Focusing expectations on what they can achieve through their own actions strengthens this internal motivation.
3. They know it’s OK to be disappointed.
Even when you’re keeping expectations in check, disappointments will still happen, and no matter how small these setbacks are, they can still hurt. It hurts because you care.
It’s OK to care, and it’s OK to be sad for a short while before moving forward. Life is a journey, and like any journey, pace is critical. Do your best to keep moving so you don’t get stuck on any one step or disappointment along the way.
Acknowledging disappointment prevents it from festering and evolving into more damaging emotions, according to one study. Empowered individuals recognize that letting go of a disappointing experience is beneficial for their long-term well-being and prevents unnecessary stress.
4. They practice self-care daily.
Your self-care can help keep you connected to a sense of balance in your life, especially during times of higher stress. That is the time when self-care is so sorely needed, which is, of course, when it can seem harder to do than you’d like.
How are you sleeping? How is your nutrition? Are you hydrating and being mindful of caffeine or alcohol intake? Are you moving your body at all? Are power naps or power walking crossing your radar? Look to realign places that are out of balance to help boost your stamina. Not pressure, just gentle nudges.
Confidence Essential Reads
Self-care is like a muscle that gets stronger with regular practice, improving overall self-control and the ability to override habitual responses, one study concluded. Genuine self-care involves being kind to yourself, recognizing imperfections, and avoiding self-criticism, which can lead to better outcomes.
5. They identify how they’re overextending and pull back.
When stress rears its head, you might end up stretching to meet its demands. This is how you grow and get stronger. But when you stretch too much and avoid setting limits, especially at work, you risk a diminishing return on engagement. Focusing on perfection can make you feel out of balance and less happy as well.
Saying no can be tough, though. If you’re overextending, consider how you could set limits. Where could you claim more time, more space for yourself? How, and to whom, could you say “no” or “not now” with consequences you could live with?
It is too tempting to say “no” and “not now” to your own needs instead of to the people around you. The problem with that strategy is that in the long run, this is a recipe for burnout. While flexibility might be admirable, it can be an impediment to holding on to balance. Flexibility still needs to suit your own needs to be sustainable.
Einstein once said, “Life is like a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.”
Figuring out the best “moves” and continuing to do them is how you cultivate balance and resilience. Indeed, it is only when you’re pulled off balance that you’re reminded how to stand tall.
