Look for joy in the commonplace. Seek it in whatever activity you are currently engaged in. Maybe it’s walking in your neighborhood, taking a commuter train to work, noticing the lingering taste of your morning coffee or tea, or even experiencing the absence of pain in your body—an awareness that almost no one acknowledges. Yes, there is much that is wrong in the world, but teaching your attention to find its opposite whenever you catch yourself dwelling on a downer can make your life better.
It’s easy to focus on what’s wrong, out of place, imperfect, or lacking. In fact, it seems to be hard wired in us, stemming back to humans’ earliest experiences with survival. Over the eons, we’ve become experts in keeping an eye out for what could go wrong, or recalling what did go wrong as a way of avoiding catastrophe. This was an adaptive skill for our cave dwelling ancestors. Those who could anticipate the worst tended to survive better than the optimists who couldn’t. Our tendency to see danger lurking still has some usefulness today. But our concern for what’s negative can easily block what’s right, good, and pleasant.
The Strategies
Keeping positive thoughts and emotions in mind is a challenge well worth the effort. But it won’t happen by itself, since negative tinged experiences seem to stick in our memories easily while positive ones tend to simply slide away. That’s the way the brain evolved, to paraphrase Rick Hanson, Ph.D., psychologist, and author who draws upon psychology, brain science, mindfulness, and the teachings of Buddha.
No two individuals in the same place, even at the same time, share the same experience. Personal demographics like your age, where you’re from, your cultural background, and stage in life all play a role in your inner experience as you explore the outer world. But even when people are compared, and matched on the above traits, what I might call the “positivity” factor can lead to different ways of observing any life journey and recalling it later.
If you have a constant stream of negative or fearful thoughts and feelings just below the surface of awareness, you are not alone. Evolution has made some of us so adept at spinning these bits of pessimism that we hardly notice. Periodically, try to notice a negative thought and interject a competing one: hopefulness, gratitude, or pleasure. No need to make it up. Just look around for something to appreciate, even something small that you might otherwise overlook—like, the traffic on your commute was light this morning, or you woke up today without a backache!
Opportunities for celebrating the good surround us. At this moment, a Bach suite plays through my computer as background music while I write. Your choice in music might be much different, or you might even prefer silence! Many times I don’t hear the music, distracted by whatever else is top-of-mind.
I have to consciously choose to listen, and then I’m swept away and infused with a moment of positivity. I need to do that more often and also spend some effort recalling the enchanting sounds I just heard—it will stick better in my memory that way. Remember, it’s more difficult to retrieve and hold on to what’s good. You can thank or blame your evolutionary history and your ancestors who survived for that.
But taking a positive stance leads to feeling happier, which enhances mood and can even normalize blood pressure. The research on happiness strongly endorses the efforts required to increase your happiness quotient. Independent of your personality style, family history, and inborn temperament, happiness can be learned. It is one of the few qualities humans can enhance through practice. That notion is what led to the “positive psychology” movement that was introduced by psychologist Martin Seligman, Ph.D. through his university research in the 1990’s, and later his book Authentic Happiness. Seligman wanted to move away from a narrow minded focus on mental illness and pathology, and move our attention to the positive side of the mental health spectrum, focusing on the positive traits that we already have, and teaching us how to strengthening them.
You Can Do It
The ability to find the positive, and celebrate it, is universally available. Gather these moments in your memory, as you have them, and recall them later. It’s a well-researched therapeutic strategy for managing depression. And it’s available to you immediately by looking for something that delights your senses in the space that surrounds you right now.
Look around. Maybe it’s a photo of a loved one? Maybe it’s the birthday card sitting on the table next to you from a dear friend? Maybe it’s the bird perched in the tree outside your window? Maybe it’s the lingering taste of a warm or cold brew you just swallowed, and the positive memories that come with it? Opportunities for enjoyment are everywhere. You just need to pick them out of the internal and external clutter.
Happiness Essential Reads
At this very moment, the morning light filters through the ten foot shrubs outside of my office window and the breeze catches the leaves. Their movement creates a dance of light and color. When I take the time to notice, I’m comforted by the tranquility. Taking the time to notice is the key and you have the skills to do it right now.
