Watching Toy Story 5 with my grandchildren reminded me that some of the most important conversations about child development begin where imagination flourishes. Beneath the humor and adventure lies a thoughtful exploration of one of the defining questions of contemporary childhood: What happens when imaginative, child-led play gradually gives way to increasingly screen-based experiences?
As a family therapist, I find myself asking a slightly different question. Not simply what do children need, but what helps parents create the emotional conditions in which children can flourish? From a Bowen family systems perspective, healthy development is less about adults carefully managing children and more about gradually raising young people who can think for themselves while remaining deeply connected to others. Free play provides one of the richest settings for this kind of growth in childhood.
Why Imaginative Play Still Matters
Developmental psychology has long recognised that imaginative play nurtures creativity, emotional regulation, empathy, flexible thinking, and problem-solving. When children organise games, negotiate rules, work through disagreements, and recover from mistakes, they strengthen capacities that no adult can simply teach through instruction.
Bowen family systems theory reminds us that resilience grows through experience (a relational process) rather than through parenting techniques. As children navigate the ordinary ups and downs of play, they gradually learn to regulate themselves rather than relying on adults to manage every situation. The enduring appeal of the Toy Story films lies in understanding that toys become meaningful because children transform them into stories, friendships, and shared worlds.
Screens Aren’t the Solo Villain
One of the film’s strengths is its refusal to make technology the villain. Digital devices are now woven into all our lives. The developmental challenge is to ensure that technology complements rather than replaces opportunities for imaginative, embodied, and relational play. The question is not whether screens belong in childhood, but what experiences they may be displacing.
What’s Disappearing From Childhood?
Historians Peter Stearns and Steven Mintz argue that perhaps the most revolutionary change in childhood since the Second World War has been the transformation of children’s play. They conclude that “the transformation of play was one of the most striking features of the larger shift in American culture” (Stearns & Mintz, 2025).
In The Parenting Paradox, I wrote: “There’s an alternative narrative to Haidt’s argument, presented by Professor Peter Gray, a research professor at Boston College, who proposes that the loss of free play may have more to do with the decline in mental health than social media.”
Rather than asking only what screens are doing to children, perhaps we should also ask what has quietly disappeared from childhood itself. As parents and educators become increasingly responsible for organizing children’s lives, opportunities to develop confidence in their own thinking, judgment, and problem-solving can quietly diminish.
Play Reveals the Whole Child
In The Parenting Paradox, I wrote in one of the many parent examples:
“Balanced Love Is Connecting to the Whole Child… Dad Jason began noticing how his three kids liked to play—how their imaginations worked, what activities they loved to repeat, and which stories captured their interest. From these observations, he expanded his repertoire as a father, connecting with each child through a genuine interest in their unique personalities.”
Watching children play tells us far more than what they enjoy. It reveals how they approach challenges, relationships, frustration, cooperation, and creativity. Parents often ask me how to connect more deeply with their children. One answer is surprisingly simple: becoming fascinated with their play. Curiosity reduces parental anxiety and fosters a stronger connection than worry and monitoring.
Parenting Essential Reads
This reflects a central idea running through The Parenting Paradox: Children’s development is deeply influenced by the emotional climate their parents contribute to. The parents’ own growth is one of the greatest gifts they can offer a child. Rather than asking, “How do I change my child?” the more transformative question becomes, “How do I become the kind of parent who contributes to the conditions for my child to flourish?”
Creating More Space for Play
I often point to the Let Grow movement as a practical example of encouraging children’s independence through free play and age-appropriate autonomy. Adults remain available for safety while deliberately resisting the urge to organize every interaction.
For many parents, this is the hardest part. Standing back can feel uncomfortable. Growing yourself up means learning to notice and manage your own anxiety rather than automatically managing your child’s experience. When parents become less reactive, more curious, and better able to tolerate uncertainty, children gain opportunities to think, negotiate, recover, and discover their own competence. That is differentiation-based parenting in action.
The Takeaway
Toy Story 5 reminds us that technology belongs in today’s world, but it cannot (and must not) replace imagination, friendship, independence, and free play.
The film also offers a gentle challenge for parents. Children’s healthy development depends not only on what we provide, but also on what we can refrain from doing. As we grow ourselves up—learning to tolerate uncertainty, step back thoughtfully, and trust children’s developing capacities—we create the emotional space in which they can grow themselves up as well.
Perhaps the film’s most psychologically important message is also its simplest: Children still need time and space to bring their own worlds to life.
