When I was growing up, my mother frequently spoke of having, developing, and building character. She would point out examples of it and encouraged me to emulate the people with it. I think she did this so often because she struggled with having it herself. She was OK with bending the rules when it suited her. I suspect she might have considered herself a pragmatist or perhaps a realist.
On the other hand, my father never spoke of character. Instead, he lived it. He would occasionally talk to me about honor, duty, and what it meant to be a man. He believed in duty to God, family, and country. He volunteered at age 17 to fight in World War II (and told me regularly that I owed my country a duty to serve at least two years in the military). He was a member of the church board, attended services three times a week, and tithed 10 percent of his salary. A devoted family man, he worked hard to support his family. And, when he realized he was dying, he kept himself alive until he was certain that I could take over the responsibility of looking after my mother and sister. In many ways, my father was the opposite of my mother. He never swore, lied, or broke the rules. My mother used to say that he was honest to a fault.
Character Revealed
Did my father have character? To all observers, he did, but what people observe is not character; it is reputation. A person might do all the right things but for less than honorable reasons. For example, if you’re doing something only because you are afraid of the consequences or because you are trying to make a good impression on someone, then it isn’t coming from your heart. It’s not genuine. Having character demands authenticity. Another example: If you see someone who needs help and it’s easy to help them, that’s being good. If you have to go out of your way to help them, that shows character. In other words, there is a difference between “having character” and “being a good person.” Only the individual knows if he or she has character.
“Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.” —John Wooden
There are many traits attributed to character, including honesty, integrity, trustworthiness, determination, perseverance, dedication, loyalty, kindness, caring, helpfulness, compassion, self-discipline, responsibility, and being fair and just. But more than anything, I believe character is about consistently doing the right thing, especially when it is hard to do so. I’m sure you’ve heard the old saying, “Character is what you do when no one is watching.”
As I pointed out in my post “Is Morality in Decline or Is it Being Manipulated?” researchers have determined that children are born knowing the difference between good and bad, right and wrong. That sense will either grow or diminish depending on the influencers on that child. Kids must be trained in order to violate their innate sense of morality. Actions have consequences, and having empathy means you understand that if an activity harms someone, then it is wrong. Understanding that all people feel pain enables a child to care about how others feel.
Character Involves Choice
One of the big factors of character is that it involves making choices. It means choosing to live a life according to a set of values; it also means choosing to do the right thing and not giving in to shortcuts or compromises. Having character often requires having courage. It means you don’t cave into peer pressure. It means sticking to your beliefs and values even when everyone around you opposes them.
I believe this quote about honor from Walter Lippmann defines character as well: “He has honor if he holds himself to an ideal of conduct though it is inconvenient, unprofitable, or dangerous to do so.”
How you react when you’re faced with a challenge or a crisis is another measure of character. Do you keep your cool? Or do you get ruffled, lose your temper, and behave in ways you later regret? True character is revealed when things go wrong, during a crisis, when the pressure peaks and the stakes are high.
“The best index to a person’s character is how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and how he treats people who can’t fight back.” —Abigail Van Buren
In today’s world—especially in the cities where most people live—there are surveillance cameras everywhere. Nearly every move we make is caught and recorded. Simultaneously, people are tracked by their cars and mobile phones. Our texts and phone calls can be monitored by the NSA. Given all of this, along with DNA evidence that can accurately pinpoint the perpetrators of crime, why would anyone be stupid enough to do anything illegal or untoward? Does all of this monitoring improve character? Or does it send a message that we no longer have to maintain character because Big Brother is watching? This brings me back to the point of this post: “Does character still matter?”
We might think that it doesn’t matter when we observe the corruption of our politicians, the rising crime rate, and the rudeness of people on the internet. As much as our wireless world may make it seem like we are islands, we are not.
It matters where, how, and with whom you spend your time. This adage states another indicator of character: “Show me your friends and I will tell you who you are.” Another version states: “You are the company you keep.” In other words, reputation, like action, speaks louder than words.
Personal Perspectives Essential Reads
Character Instructs, Inspires, and Impacts
Your character does matter because it influences the world around you: your children, friends, family, neighbors, co-workers, customers, employees, and acquaintances. Some of the people around you may be longing for acceptance and belonging. Many of them are looking for guidance or leadership of some type, especially in times of uncertainty. If you exhibit strong character, people will look to you for direction.
“Men of character are the conscience of the society to which they belong.” —Ralph Waldo Emerson
Another reason character matters is because having it requires courage. As I pointed out in a previous post, “Courage is the Key to Living Authentically,” courage is the liberating emotion that empowers you to do so much more with your life. Using courage to practice character strengthens your self-esteem and, in turn, raises your state of consciousness.
“Men of genius are admired, men of wealth are envied, men of power are feared; but only men of character are trusted.” —Alfred Adler
In conclusion, character remains important, even in our era of surveillance, for many reasons, including that it can make you feel better about yourself.
