Many of us are familiar with the numerous lists that infiltrate our lives: our “To-Do Lists” focused on tasks that need to be completed; our “New Year’s Resolutions Lists” focused on embracing new commitments at the beginning of a new calendar year; and the infamous “Bucket Lists” focused on activities, adventures, or travel that we want to experience before we die, or “kick the bucket.”
But perhaps formulating and constantly monitoring these lists is actually leading us into despair. Perhaps we are trying too hard to control the conditions in our lives. Perhaps we are too focused on seeking pleasure even when we know that pleasure can be fleeting and can possibly lead to a greater sense of emptiness once the high of the experience wears off or when the experience fails to meet our expectations. Perhaps the creation of the “To-Do Lists” and “Bucket Lists” is actually contributing to our anxiety, leading us to ask the existential question, “Is that all there is to my life?”
An alternative approach is to create a “Meaning List.” Before I describe this exercise, it may be helpful to provide some background on the concept of Meaning. Alex Pattakos, PhD, and I have created a new discipline called MEANINGology, which is the study and practice of meaning in life, work, and society.
In our work, we offer three definitions for meaning: 1) The understanding or definition of a word or concept; 2) The representation of something of significance or something that matters; and 3) The most metaphysical aspect of meaning, when something resonates with our true nature or with who we understand ourselves to be. Our true nature or core essence is what can define us and is at the heart of what makes us unique as human beings.
Unlike a “To-Do List” or a “Bucket List,” the exercise of creating a “Meaning List” requires deeper reflection, or as we have written elsewhere, what we refer to as “existential digging.” It forces us to ask questions like:
- What is truly meaningful in my life?
- How would I like to live?
- Alternatively, what is not meaningful in my life, and what would I like to lessen or eliminate from my life?
In our books, Prisoners of Our Thoughts and The OPA! Way, we offer an integrative model for reflecting on the elements of a meaningful life. The three elements of the OPA! Model are:
Connect Meaningfully With Others (O)
This first element focuses your reflections on whether you are evolving from a transactional style of relationships to the pursuit of truly authentic relationships.
- Are you task-oriented with your conversations and relationships, or are you connecting with others on a deeper level by treating others as special, unique human beings?
- Are you making efforts to build community, or are you on an individualistic path?
Engage With Deeper Purpose (P)
This second element focuses your reflections on the deeper mission in your life, rather than seeing your life as just a series of tasks.
- Do you understand who you are, and importantly, are you living or deviating from your true nature?
- Are you focused on making a meaningful impact and contribution every day?
Embrace Life With Attitude (A)
This third element focuses your reflections on your attitude toward living a meaningful life.
- Do you believe that you can achieve a meaningful life, or have you given up, believing that your life does not matter and that there is no meaning to or in your life?
- Are you seeking deeper understanding of the sources of meaning in your life and work?
I encourage you to move beyond your “To-Do Lists,” “New Year’s Resolutions Lists,” and “Bucket Lists” to create a “Meaning List.” Doing so requires more reflection than simply listing daily tasks or activities you want to experience now, in the future, or when you retire. It requires you to step back, reflect, and choose how you want to shape your meaningful life. You may wish to aim for a list of 10 Meaningful items (organized under O, P, and A), but the most important aspect of the Meaning List is that it focuses on the question “How do I want to live a meaningful life?”
Reviewing your Meaning List will help you see the direction your life is leading toward and perhaps bring more clarity to any chaos and challenges you may be facing. Your Meaning List may reveal new insights into what is truly important or significant for you, and ultimately, may even help you connect with or reconnect with your true essence.
