I stared at my phone, typing “Merry Christmas.” These words marked a short text I deeply wanted to transform into a conversation between myself and someone no longer on this planet. Like many, I have lost people once close to me. Winter holidays are a stark reminder of that grief.
If you miss someone this season, the silencing of traditions, time together, and even little greetings can blare. With all you wish you could do but can’t, here are three things you can do.
1. Create a Remembering Ritual
Last year, we set up our first train around the Christmas tree. It was nothing like my grandpa’s basement, which once abounded with intricate model train sets we grandkids would race down to watch most years. It also didn’t match how it would have felt to see him in his Lazy Boy rocking chair, hollering over the TV and being himself. Yet, it was a small thing to remember that brought a smile. A remembering ritual can be anything from lighting a candle to enjoying a dish a loved one once cherished. All it has to be is something that reaches back and honors them. It’s one way of keeping their memory alive.
2. Establish New Traditions
Brewing apple cider in a cast iron cauldron is something my partner and I started just this year. I got the cauldron for my birthday, echoing my appreciation for fantasy. Fantasy awakens in me a spirit of possibility and has sparked hope in my life through a few dark times. I believe that this is something we will continue to do for years to come. Engaging in new traditions can be tricky. It’s not a way of moving or letting go. Rather, it’s growth. If you’re celebrating holidays without someone you were once close to, it may be worth checking in to see what new traditions you might try.
3. Start a Conversation
Sharing memories and conversing about someone you’ve lost is a way to connect during the holidays. Sometimes, we hide these thoughts in hopes of protecting others from reminders of their pain and grief. Yet, most painful losses are hard to forget. Joining together can bring tears, laughter, and a sense of understanding.
In Closing
If you are missing someone this season and longing to say “Happy Festivus” or whatever it is that you would say, know you are far from alone. Grief doesn’t go away, but our lives grow around it. There are ways of remembering and things you can still do as you grow. Wishing you well.
