I felt really stuck after going through a painful break-up in my mid-20s. I was burnt out from my job as a jail counselor and felt very blah overall.
After a few months of nursing my broken heart, I finally got motivated, enrolled in a graduate class, updated my resume, and began looking for another job. Nine months later, I finally got out of jail, landed a corporate job in human resources, began my Master’s degree, and took my workouts to a whole new level. My broken heart was slowly fused back together, and not because of another relationship with someone else, since I was distracted by my own personal and professional development.
Traditional revenge is likely to backfire
Nobody wins in war, so nothing good ever comes from revenge. Despite the fact that someone else might have wronged us, do we really want to try to jeopardize everyone’s (including our own) reputation, career, mental health, relationships, and overall well-being? The person attempting to cancel another through bullying and badmouthing is usually the one who looks worse in the end.
Focusing on your success is a positive distraction
My father says, “Distraction is the best medicine.” How would you rather spend your time and energy: building your best life or plotting to take down someone else? Be so focused on your own agenda that you don’t have time to shoot daggers at anyone else.
Focusing on your success is better for your mental health
An analysis of revenge found that “restoring psychological balance” was the healthiest form of seeking revenge and that ruminating on getting someone back contributed towards long-term mental health issues. Another study discovered that revenge negatively impacts mental health, whereas the impact of forgiveness was positive. Forgiveness is all about you moving forward, not them.
Focusing on your success will help you claim your power
Live your best life and be your best self. Stop talking and start doing: write that book, get in shape, make that frivolous purchase, relocate, apply for that new job, try that hobby, book the trip, end the relationship, enroll in the class, or finally take that risk. Focusing on you allows your time, energy, and other resources to be yours.
Focusing on your success will bring more positive outcomes
Negativity breeds more negativity. Scornful people who publicly break trust and “air out their dirty laundry” usually invite more backlash into their lives. For example, Prince Harry said he shared his family issues through books and interviews to “clear his conscience,” but it backfired amid intense public criticism and poor ratings. You don’t have to finish what someone has started publicly.
Focus on your success, since nobody really cares about seeking revenge but you
Those who have lost themselves will step into your mess. Most people are too immersed in their own lives to care about your drama. Why bother when people who really don’t care?
