We imagine overthinking as an overactive mind filled with worst-case scenarios. Sometimes that’s the case. But very often overthinking wears a much friendlier disguise. Yes, overthinking often presents itself as careful, responsible, and as trying to make the “right” decision.
Consider How Many Of These Thoughts Feel Familiar?
Read through and count out loud how many of these thoughts overwhelm you at times and have influenced you, leading you to miss out on valuable opportunities.
“What if I fail?”
“I’m not ready.”
“What if people judge me?”
“I need to be 100 percent sure.”
“What if I disappoint them?”
“What if I regret this?”
“What if there is a better option?”
“I should think about this a little longer?”
So, before you say “Dr. Jeff means we should always go into life with our first instinct and be impulsive”, please do me a favor. Don’t hear my message as telling you to recklessly fly into life by the seat of your pants. No, I’m not saying that any of the above thoughts are “bad”. They all have value in the right context. The problem occurs when they become default cognitive pathways rather than occasional visitors in your mind.
The Trap of False Safety
Many people unconsciously believe that if they think long enough, prepare enough, or analyze enough, they can eliminate uncertainty. Yet we all know that life does not offer guarantees. No amount of thinking can guarantee a perfect outcome, universal approval, or mistake-free decision-making. In fact, based on 35 years as a psychologist, I have seen through my clients’ eyes that the search for certainty leads to delayed decisions, missed opportunities, and staying stuck long after it is time to move forward.
The Cost of Overthinking
Go back up to the list of thoughts I provided and keep this in mind: Every recurring overthinking thought carries a hidden price. We are talking big-time emotional/behavioral consequences for your spiraling thoughts. “What if I fail?” can stop you from trying. “What if people judge me?” keeps you silent. And “What if I disappoint someone?” can trap you into people-pleasing. Over time, these thoughts—if you let them—will steal your life.
The good news is that one of the strategies I discuss in my book, Freeing Your Child From Overthinking, which applies to all ages, is learning to notice thoughts rather than automatically obey them. So, instead of arguing with a weighty, negative, anxiety-laden thought, try labeling it. You might say, “There goes my ‘What if I fail?’ thought.” Or, “Here’s my ‘I need to be 100 percent sure’ thought.” This creates precious distance between you and these types of thoughts. Most importantly, you stop treating every thought as a command and start seeing it as a mental activity that may or may not deserve your true attention.
The Take Away
The goal isn’t to eliminate anxious thoughts. It’s to recognize them sooner. Because the moment you catch an overthinking thought, it begins to loosen its grip.
