Most people expect that once established, a long-term romantic relationship should be exclusive. All other potentially romantic connections should be severed, and the couple should be able to move on with their joint life, free of worry and strain.
Nevertheless, there are times when doubt comes into even the best relationship. Ellen and Oscar decided to move in together two years ago and, although marriage is in the works, they are waiting until their finances are in shape. Like any other couple, they go about their daily routines while they save for the future. Recognizing that they are still formally “single,” both of them avoid giving in to temptation if an attractive alternative comes along.
All of this was great until Ellen suspected that one of Oscar’s coworkers was trying to get, in her mind, uncomfortably close to him. The more she thought about this, the more she closed herself off emotionally to Oscar. She began to wonder if she should bother saving money for a future that might not happen while also resenting the time and effort she put into the exigencies of daily life such as meal planning and housework. Oscar swears he has no intention of straying, but her doubt only continues to grow.
A Three-Way Look at Relationship Dynamics
As defined in new research by University of Cologne’s Yael Ecker and colleagues (2026), jealousy is “a mental experience” composed of the negative emotions of sadness, anxiety, and anger as well as cognitive components such as “suspicious thoughts and lack of perceived control.” The bottom line is that jealousy, as a perception of threat, motivates people to try to protect their relationship. Unfortunately, this protection goal can crowd out the goal of keeping the relationship strong, consistent with the maintenance goal, in which couples focus on each other.
The U. Cologne authors propose that three types of goals characterize motivation in long-term relationships. We can use Ellen and Oscar as examples of each. Maintenance involves those behaviors Ellen engages in that keep things going on a daily basis. Progress is her motivation to save for the future. Protection refers to what Ellen is feeling as her jealousy begins to build.
Focusing primarily on the impact that jealousy has on relationship stability, Ecker et al. propose that when people distrust their partner’s loyalty, they, like Ellen, stop putting effort into those daily maintenance behaviors. Protection goals further impair relationship quality when partners think more about the threat (the coworker in this case) than their partner.
Testing Jealousy’s Impact on Relationship Stability
Across three studies varying in method, the authors tested the idea that, by lowering the healthy motivations of maintenance and progress, jealousy’s basis in protection creates a self-perpetuating cycle. In other words, the more jealous you are, the less you can focus on positive relationship goals.
In the first study, an online sample of 400 U.K. residents was placed into two groups varying in prompts to think about a time when they felt jealous of their partner (jealousy induction) vs. an ordinary time in the relationship (control). Then they rated their relationship motivation according to maintenance, progress, and protection. The final piece of the study included questions about the individual’s relationship satisfaction, trust, and commitment. As it turned out, the jealousy induction indeed lowered levels of maintenance but also increased levels of progress motivation.
In the second study, the authors used a longitudinal design with 300 U.S. residents in long-term relationships to track feelings of jealousy across a two-week period along with their ratings of goal pursuit. As in the experimental study, jealousy increased protection strivings at the expense of maintenance. Also, as in the first study, jealousy led to increases in progress motivation.
Finally, the last study used an in-depth approach to study romantic pairs across a one-month period based on responses of 145 men and 142 women living in the U.K. (with relationship lengths of up to 46 years). As in the previous studies, jealousy predicted lower maintenance and higher progress striving. Perhaps some good news in this third study was that jealousy experiences tended to be rare and mild.
Putting Relationship Motivation to Work for You
Reviewing the three types of motivation, it appears that jealousy can indeed intrude on relationship satisfaction in the following three ways:
- Maintenance motivation: Jealous people spend more time focusing on an outside threat than on either behaving in ways that keep the couple going (i.e., daily tasks) or communicating positive feelings.
- Progress motivation: When people feel jealous, they may seek ways to change their relationship. But this is not always good. As the authors concluded, “constant improvement efforts may have detrimental effects or reflect underlying dissatisfaction.”
- Protection motivation: When people experience jealousy on a chronic basis, a self-perpetuating cycle exists that keeps protection high while diminishing maintenance.
These findings suggest that people like Ellen would be better off focusing on their feelings for their partner than for looking for outside trouble. Furthermore, the stronger the protection striving, suggest the authors, the more you start to watch out for number one (i.e., yourself) rather than your partner. “Risk regulation theory,” they note, “posits that relationship threat triggers self-protection over connectedness goals.”
One tiny note in all of this relates to the difference between chronic and sporadic jealousy. Some small amount of jealousy once in a while could communicate to your partner strong feelings of love and commitment. Too much, though, will backfire.
To sum up, jealousy may be an inevitable part of all relationships, but it doesn’t have to spell a death sentence. By focusing on the factors that keep your relationship strong and moving in the right direction, the less likely it is that jealousy will rear its ugly head to spoil your fulfillment.
