The Origins of the Child’s Self-Concept
Scientists haven’t found, nor are they likely to find, specific genes that turn on or off and, by doing so, construct the child’s self-concept in a predetermined manner. Absent a purely genetic cause, how does the child develop their self-concept, this crucial entity that delineates the parameters around the child’s needs, their choices, a ceiling on accomplishments, and gauges the child’s interactions with others and life’s smorgasbord of circumstances?
Innate Predispositions
Decades ago, developmental psychologists Alexander, Thomas, and Chess observed that at birth, children come biologically furnished with three innate behavioral predispositions or “temperamental styles”: The “flexible,” adaptive child, the reactive, “feisty,” or not-so-adaptive child, and the “easy,” calm, unhurried child.
Notwithstanding these innate predispositions, how parents welcome, don’t welcome, or otherwise interpret their child’s basic temperament is critical to building the child’s self-concept. For example, a “feisty” child can be seen as a nuisance, irritating, as demanding discipline, and thus reaps parental discouragement or punishment. Or feistiness might be seen as a zest for life, a driving curiosity for novel, stimulating experience, or a precursor to later-life ambition, which would garner parental approval and encouragement—likely accompanied by a few guardrails.
Moreover, the meaning parents impose upon the child’s innate predispositions, and the behavior emanating from them, molds parental attitudes and actions, which, in turn, shapes how the child conceives of themself.
Early Attachment
Respected attachment theorist John Bowlby posited that human infants use primitive, inborn cues, like smiling, reaching, cooing, and crying, to elicit nurturing from caregivers, who reciprocate by feeding, comforting, and soothing. These “interactional circuitries” create the fundamentals for a mother-infant attachment bond within the first 18 months of the infant’s life, a time Bowlby called “the sensitive phase.”
When this dyadic bond remains relatively constant and strong over the course of development, the infant or child internalizes a cognitive schema or “working model” of what to expect from subsequent relationships. This bond is the cornerstone of the child’s sense of their worth, the gold standard of their personal standing vis-à-vis others.
For instance, imagine a small child falling, scraping their knee, and crying out in pain, which summons the ministrations of an emotionally attuned mother, who tends to the wound and then follows up with a warm, consoling hug. When reasonably consistent, this type of empathic attunement can be counted upon to nurture maternal trust and the child’s sense of themself as worthy of care. The child’s capacity for interpersonal trust is thus assembled by these early, prototypical interactions, which encourage the child’s prosocial behavior.
“Person-O-Typic Affect”
The term “person-o-typic affect” (PTA) sounds like a mini-word circus, but a parent’s understanding of the concept can bring significant insight to the relationship they have with their child. Defined literally, PTA refers to the strongest feeling that characteristically surfaces within a parent when in the presence of their child. Despite their strength, parents are often unaware of these feelings; they may be subtle or subconscious, lying outside their immediate awareness. They can also be impossible to ignore, where parents are keenly aware of their presence and the strong influence they wield over their child. But aware or not, these feelings can significantly alter how the parent relates to their child and, consequently, how the child relates to themselves.
For example, a father feels guilty about divorcing his ex-wife because it seemed to shatter his son’s sense of emotional stability. During visitations with his son, guilt warps the father’s behavior through overcompensation, such as granting unearned privileges or turning a blind eye to inappropriate behavior, which are inconsistent with his son’s concept of himself as capable and responsible.
Person-o-typic affect can be an insightful, useful tool for understanding the psychological forces behind parent-child behavior, especially where parental feelings are intense and beg examination. Pertinent questions for parents include: Where do my feelings come from? Do they need modification? How do they influence my behavior and my child’s self-concept?
A Three-Step Blueprint
Need management therapy (NMT) confidently proposes a simple but effective blueprint for building the child’s self-concept. In outline form, it consists of three concrete, doable steps:
1. Need Identification: From the early, seminal moments of life, as loving parents identify their child’s needs, construction of the child’s self-concept begins. And because their needs have been seen by their parents and significant others, the child learns they, too, can identify their own needs and therefore themselves, who they are.
2. Need Legitimization: NMT posits that at their most basic, irreducible level, the child’s needs are valid. For example, the child’s need to be sensitively, respectfully understood is a fundamentally valid need. When the child’s needs are thus “crowned” with validity, a foundation is laid for a positive self-concept. And the child is likely to confidently represent their needs and who they are.
3. Need Representation: Because the child’s basic needs are legitimate, they “demand” representation. Poor or non-management of a legitimate need is inconsistent with building and preserving a complete, healthy self-concept. Under parental mentorship, the child learns to manage their needs by balancing respect for themselves and others, expressing their needs and associated feelings, and measuring the success of these efforts not by how others respond but by how well they represent their needs—difficult but growth-spurring.
By a close adherence to this blueprint, parents can help their child construct a robust self-concept.
