Not long ago, I faced what seemed like a defining career decision. Thirty-five years earlier, I had made a choice that changed the course of my professional life: I left a highly sought-after executive role at a large corporation to start my own business. At the time, a chorus of voices pushed back—many of them not my own. “Are you crazy? You’re walking away from the security, status, excitement, and financial rewards of being a senior vice president?” That was my mother’s voice, but other voices, including some within me, were just as loud and persuasive. Heck, I even had a corner office in a modern downtown skyscraper and a plant in the corner next to a huge window overlooking the city. In the end, I took the leap, and it became one of the best decisions of my life. But it was not an easy one.
Fast-forward to 2025, and it was time for another consequential choice that seemed about as important as the one I just described. This time it had to do with the shifting nature of the firm we had founded and built over those years, and my relationship with it. Hard as it may seem to realize for all of us, nothing lasts forever, and my business partners and I were getting to a point in our careers that called for a change. What would that change look like for the structure of the firm and our roles in relation to the firm we started and nurtured for all those years?
Please allow me to get to the essence of this post by describing the four voices that I noticed were speaking to me about this decision.
The first voice is that of “Desire.” It asks, “What do I want?” In this case, it represented information about the vitality, success, and positive feedback that I have always felt from my work and leadership of my firm.
The second voice is “Fear,” which asks, “What am I trying to protect?” In this case, I was likely thinking about my identity for 25 years, and the fear I felt at the thought of ending this monumental achievement in my life.
Third is the voice of “Obligation,” which asks, “What do I believe I am supposed to do?” I might be letting others down, for example, or I may feel an obligation to continue serving my longstanding clients.
Lastly, the fourth voice is that of the “Deeper Self,” and it is concerned with the sense of mission, values, and overall congruence of one’s life. For me, what seemed to matter most was legacy and adding value to others, and the future of our clients and their positive impact on the world.
At this point, to shed more light on the challenge that the four voices bring as it relates to decision-making and discernment, we can circle back to the subtitle of this post for further clarification. The fact is that each of the four voices, and what they represent in our lives, offers unique value in our decision process. This is where discernment and deep listening enter the equation, and when we might find ourselves mistaking the loudest voice for the wisest. Often, the feelings of urgency, anxiety, desire, and responsibility can each feel authoritative and definitive. The mistake lies not in having these voices but in not taking the time to understand them and see them as different parts of ourselves and then to listen carefully to what each has to offer us in the important, seemingly unresolvable decisions we face in our lives.
You can apply this to an unresolved decision for yourself, and here is how to approach it. First, put the unresolved decision at the top of a page and create four sections: Desire, Fear, Obligation, and Deeper Self. Then follow these steps;
- Write without editing for two minutes under each heading, working from this point of view and its attendant feelings, listing the messages that you are receiving.
- Circle repeated words or themes in each of the four areas of the page.
- Notice which voice is loudest, which is quietest, and which one holds the most power.
- Ask: What does each voice know? What does each voice distort? Where is the wisdom here, and what messages are most aligned with my highest self?
- Finish by engaging the voices in a discourse, a give-and-take, and see if you can come to a voice that accepts who you are and identifies what the faithful first step might be in this situation.
This process and disciplined discernment do not always produce certainty, but they can generate enough clarity for one responsible next move, which can take you on a road to further clarity.
To illustrate this point with a metaphor, think about the distinction between a map and a compass. We often want a decision to reveal the entire future, the entire map. Alternatively, we can put the focus on orienting ourselves and our direction, more like a compass: knowing which direction is more aligned with our truth and the person we are becoming. Perhaps we do not need the whole path at this point. We just need enough quiet to hear the voices within us, enough honesty to know which one is speaking, and enough courage to take the next faithful step, based on the revealed orientation of our internal compass.
Let me conclude by going back to the decision I described at the start of this post. I was able to give space for the first three voices using a process just as I described above. I discovered which voices were operating very loudly for me and why. But as I sat with it longer, the voices and their messages came together with a clear direction, as with the compass metaphor, and it became clear to me that the most important element of the decision was about continuing to bring my skills to the world, but in a different manner and working with a different set of clients, more with schools, not-for-profit organizations, and mission-driven companies. I made a decision to simplify the corporate structure of the company I’d created over 35 years ago by creating a simplified LLC legal entity. This entity had much of the same sense of mission and purpose but was simpler and more fluid, allowing me to focus on projects and people that hold great meaning for me at this stage of my life, and allowing me more flexibility and creativity to spread my wings and live into my legacy.
