The dictionary defines equanimity as “mental calmness and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation.” This means that your mind is flexible enough to stay calm and steady even in stressful and unpleasant situations.
Here are a some suggestions for cultivating this sublime state of mind.
Learn to live well despite your limitations.
In 2001, I became chronically ill after contracting what appeared to be a routine viral infection. Today, my doctor calls me a “long hauler,” a term that came into use when people didn’t (for haven’t) recovered fully from a bout with Covid.
In the early years of my chronic illness, I spent my days in constant longing for my life to be the way it was before I got sick. This added mental suffering to my physical suffering. It was like hitting my head against the wall since I had no control over the way the illness had progressed. Over time, I realized that everyone’s life has its share of sorrows, and the only way I could find joy again was to stop trying to change circumstances over which I had no control.
This meant I had to “start where I was,” to paraphrase Tibetan Buddhist teacher Pema Chodron. I started with a body that didn’t feel well and lacked stamina. With this as my starting point, I looked around to see what I could do with my life within those limitations.
And I’ve done a lot. I’ve written four books, three of them on living well with chronic illness. In addition, at some point during the past 24 years, I’ve taken up crochet, embroidery, and now painting with oil pastels.
I’ve done all of this from my bed, although recently I acquired a lounger on which I use a wedge pillow to create a sort of easel. The artistic activities are meditative and allow equanimity to arise to keep me calm and feeling peaceful.
Learn that the universal law of impermanence can your friend.
When I’m able to see the ever-changing nature of life, I’m better able to maintain mental calmness and evenness of temper. Thoughts and emotions arise, stay a while, and then pass away.
I think of impermanence as my friend, because I know the stress or worry of the moment is just that: momentary. The same is true of some of my physical symptoms. This realization helps prevent me from treating physical and mental states as set in stone.
Instead, I try to ride their ups and downs, keeping my mind as steady and calm as I can. Most important, I work on not identifying with what has arisen, meaning I don’t take any thought or emotion as being all that I am. I’m not just pain. I’m not just worry, I’m as ever-changing as the world itself. I find that reassuring and calming.
Learn to treat yourself with compassion when equanimity is hard to find.
When things get tough, don’t order yourself to be calm and develop that evenness of temper that characterizes equanimity. That drill sergeant state of mind never works. Instead, try taking baby steps in the direction of equanimity. If you push yourself to be equanimous, you’re likely to feel like a failure, and that’s the opposite of the calm mind state you’re working on experiencing.
Using baby steps, if the calmness of equanimity is missing, I try to feel it a little. I can almost always gently nudge my mind a bit toward that calm feeling of letting go of longing for my life to be other than it is. And, if that nudge doesn’t work, with compassion for myself (which simply means being non-judgmental and kind to yourself), I let things be until that universal law of impermanence kicks in…and things change.
Equanimity is not the same as indifference. The latter is characterized by aversion to your life circumstances, and that makes you feel stuck, as if there’s nothing you can do. By contrast, equanimity calls for open acceptance of life with its ups and downs, joys and sorrows. It’s not a deterrence to action, and that means that your life can take a turn for the better through your own actions.
I hope you’ll keep equanimity in mind as you go through each day.
My best to everyone.
