Researchers have categorized divorce as the second most stressful event in adult life. Although divorce does not inherently fit the American Psychological Association’s (APA) trauma criteria for post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), similar emotional and psychological effects can consume the parties involved, including children.
Defining PTSD
The APA describes PTSD as resulting from “exposure to actual or threatened death, serious injury, or sexual violence.” While military experiences may come to mind, PTSD can be caused by events less pronounced than war.
In keeping with this broader interpretation, the APA goes on to categorize PTSD as a “trauma and stress-related disorder.” According to this definition, anyone can develop PTSD by experiencing firsthand or hearing about a loved one going through a traumatic event.
The U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs states that about 6% of the population will experience PTSD during their lives. It states that “[t]o be at risk for PTSD, the trauma must be a shocking and dangerous event that you see or that happens to you. During these events, you think that your life or others’ lives are in danger.”
Divorce as a Cause of PTSD
Symptoms of PTSD can start within one month of the traumatic event but can also appear at any time, even years later. Separation is more likely to cause PTSD if domestic abuse has occurred during the relationship, as the trauma from the experience can resurface during the divorce.
Similarly, PTSD from divorce is also more likely to occur for individuals who grew up in abusive homes or have pasts characterized by abuse. For people with pre-existing mental illness, PTSD symptoms are also worth looking out for; they are more likely to occur in divorce and can be difficult to separate from any pre-existing illness.
How Divorce-Related Trauma and PTSD Can Affect a Divorce Case
Depending on the facts of each case and jurisdiction, PTSD can make its mark on divorce cases by:
1. Heightening divorce-related stress
Divorce is stressful. However, facing divorce after trauma and suffering from PTSD can make it harder to cope with the typical divorce-related stress, exacerbating its effects. Such a situation could make it more difficult to immerse in the divorce process, negatively affecting the outcome.
2. Straining interactions with your ex
Those suffering from PTSD often have trouble with communication, trust, and conflict resolution, which can make the negotiation process more challenging. Such a situation could lead to a high-conflict divorce.
3. Affecting asset division and spousal support determinations
Someone suffering from PTSD could have trouble securing employment or holding down a job, which could affect how a court distributes assets and calculates spousal support.
4. Affecting custody and visitation/residential time
Courts decide custody and visitation (residential time in my home state of Washington) based on the standard of what is in the child’s best interests. If a parent suffers from PTSD, and it is negatively affecting their ability to care for themselves and their children, a court will take the condition and its effects into consideration.
5. Altering perceptions
Unfortunately, a negative stigma can come with mental health challenges. The best course of action for dealing with such situations is to hire experienced counsel and enlist the help of experts whose assessments and testimony can be used to make determinations.
6. Necessitating a forensic evaluation
Speaking of assessments, a forensic evaluation can be highly effective where PTSD is an issue, especially when a parent’s ability to care for their children is being questioned.
Healing From Divorce-Related PTSD
Having PTSD looks different for everyone and can depend on age, background, and past exposure to trauma. If you are suffering from PTSD due to your divorce:
1. Seek professional help
The longer you go without treatment, the more difficult it is to treat PTSD. So, find a psychiatrist or other mental health provider who can provide a diagnosis and create a personalized treatment plan. Therapists can teach healthy coping techniques for when you confront triggers. They can also help impart knowledge for you to understand PTSD better and teach you how to manage it.
2. Be kind to yourself
Give yourself the space and time to mourn what you have lost in your divorce and the difficulties that come from trauma. Treating yourself poorly, even in how you talk to/about yourself, can interfere with treatment.
3. Talk about it
It’s common for people who have experienced trauma to repeatedly dissect the same events or situations for months, perhaps years. When speaking to friends and family, don’t look for solutions but a friendly ear. Support groups with those who’ve had similar experiences can provide a safe space for these types of discussions.
4. Spend time with other people
Attending book clubs, workout classes, or community volunteer groups can help you reconnect with others and give you something to look forward to.
5. Be healthy in other areas of life
While you work through your PTSD, paying special attention to other areas of your health is helpful. Eating whole foods, exercising regularly, and having a reliable sleep schedule can all relieve stress.
6. Employ relaxation methods.
While it can sound trite when discussing mental health, techniques such as meditation, breathing exercises, and yoga can support the nervous system, helping to regulate your mood and prevent anxiety. Spending time in nature is another way to get these same benefits.
7. Avoid unhealthy coping mechanisms
A range of behaviors can be considered unhealthy. These include substance abuse, overexercising, and working too much. It can also involve maintaining unnecessary contact with your spouse or crossing boundaries. While these acts can temporarily relieve overwhelming emotions, the comedown and consequences of letting yourself fall into these negative patterns usually will do more harm than good.
Recognizing the impact of divorce-related trauma is a solid first step toward healing. By intentionally rebuilding your future, you can transform the pain from your divorce into the power that fuels you after it.
To find a therapist, please visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.
